It's All Fiction
by never-happy-ending
Summary: Puck had too many dreams and soon his feelings became real, making him feel like he could die right there.   But what could he do? Kurt was with Blaine and every memory he had to hold on to was pure fiction.
1. Fiction

**SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO**

**I can't believe I'm already writing this, but since I heard this song, this idea got stuck inside my head, so I had to do it, and since my other fic got such a positive response that made me really surprised (and shocked!). So I hope you all enjoy this one, and again, I don't have a beta (don't trust them) and I'm not a native speaker. So you don't need to talk about the grammar! I appreciate it but you don't need to say it!**

**again, enjoy the fic ^^**

**Song: **

**Fiction - B2ST**

Fiction. It was all pure fiction. Everything inside his head. Every single talk, every single touch, smile and kiss. Was just pure fiction. And that hurt too much. That made Puck suffer so much. He couldn't believe he would feel like this just because of stupid dreams and pure imagination. When it started he actually found it fun and didn't cared about it at all, but then his feelings started to be more than imagination and useless. They became real and before Puck knew it, he was in love with Kurt. And it hurt. It hurt so bad. Why? Because the life he created, the whole life he created inside his head, the dreams he had were all fake. Nothing was real.

_**I still can't forget you  
>I still can't trust everything<br>Even today I can't send you away like this**_

The hundreds of kisses, the millions of touches were just Puck's imagination and they would never be real. Kurt was now dating that Blaine guy and it seemed Kurt's world was that guy from the private school. And every time Puck thought about it, every time he would think about how he wasn't Blaine and that Kurt didn't loved him, but the midget like Puck liked to call him. That made Puck feel like his whole world would end. He just wanted to be loved. For the first time in his life he wanted to be loved, but at the same time if it wasn't Kurt loving him, he didn't wanted to be loved at all. It had to be Kurt! It couldn't be anyone else.

"But it's all in my head..." Puck whispered as he looked down to the small notebook on his desk. It was all in his head. It was like he had created a whole story in his head. His own fairy tale. He was a badass but so what? He also deserved a fairy tale like everyone else. He deserved everything. He deserved to be happy. He stopped being the bad kid he was. He stopped humiliating his own mother and was now making her very proud. So why? Why couldn't he be happy next to Kurt? He wanted it so bad. All he wanted was to be loved by Kurt. He wanted those dreams to become real, he wanted those stories to be real. If he could write or rewrite fate, he would. He would make his wish come true.

_**I will rewrite it again, our story will not end  
>I will bury fact that reality is seeping into my skin for now<br>I rewrite it once again, the start beginning with you and I smiling happily  
>In case you will leave me, the background is a small room without an exit<strong>_ _**I kiss you as if there is nothing wrong  
>I can't leave your sweet presence<br>There is no such thing as an end for us**_

When he first dreamed about kissing the soprano he spent the whole day smiling. Smiling so much that even made the other Glee members annoyed. Puck didn't cared. It was the best dream of his life and he refused to forget it. All he couldn't think about was how he wanted to kiss Kurt for real, how he wanted to hold the soprano. Hold him so tightly that would take his breath away. Puck wanted to see Kurt flush like he usually did when he was happy! Puck wanted it all, but then, all came crashing down. The same day he had that dream, the dream that made him realize how much he needed Kurt, he found out the soprano was dating.

It was more painful than anything anyone could imagine. He didn't heard it from anyone. He saw it. Finn and Kurt were brothers now right? So that meant Puck would see Kurt every time he went to the house to hang out with his fellow jock. He had made up his mind that day to confess, tell the soprano how he felt, but when he opened the door to Kurt's room, his whole body froze and he could swear he felt tears running down his face. Kurt...His Kurt, was kissing Blaine. He was kissing that guy the way Puck always imagined, holding Blaine the same way Puck dreamed he would be held by the soprano. It should be him instead of that midget. It should be him! But no...He should have known better. All those things he lived, were just dreams, it was pure imagination.

_**Like this again **_**_**(**_**_**Fiction in Fiction**_**_**)**_**_**  
>I can't forget you <strong>_**_**(**_**_**Fiction in Fiction**_**_**)**_**_**  
>I am writing the story that will never end in my heart<strong>_ _**I will hold on to you **_**_**(**_**_**Fiction in Fiction**_**_**)**_**_**  
>I won't let you go <strong>_**_**(**_**_**Fiction in Fiction in Fiction**_**_**)**_**_**  
>Even today, I'm in the story of you and I that hasn't ended still, in Fiction<strong>_

"I'm pathetic..." Puck whispered to himself as he continued reading his precious notebook. His notebook was his most precious possession in the whole world. He would write his songs there, he would write his deepest thoughts and above all things, he would write everything he dreamed about Kurt. How it felt to touch his skin, how it felt to being able to hear that beautiful voice over and over again and above all things, he wanted to see that smile shine just for him. He wanted it so much he was sure he was about to die if he continued wishing it so bad.

He continued looking to his notebook and saw a small sketch of Kurt's profile. He wasn't that good at drawing, but he had to admit it came much better than he expected. He drew it when he was in one of those horrible days. He was missing Kurt so much that day he didn't resisted and started drawing. He was incredibly lucky no one noticed what he was doing. Kurt shouldn't be on that stupid private school. Kurt should be there with them, singing and above all things, Kurt should be there with him. He should forget all about Blaine and be with him.

He continued reading the stupid stories he wrote on that notebook. It wasn't in his character to do something like that, but since that first dream, he couldn't be the same Noah Puckerman he usually was. He wasn't being the sex shark anymore. He gave no attention to the Cheerios or to the MILF's. Just thinking about them made Puck feel grossed out and think how in the world he was capable of doing such a thing. Was he so desperate for attention that he did that just to have people noticing him? But...those stories made him so happy. Even if it was just for moments, it made him happy because for moments, for minutes, Kurt would be his and would love him back with the same passion.

_**Right now, there are only happy stories here  
>The very happy stories of just the two of us <strong>_**_**(**_**_**Different from reality**_**_**)**_**_**  
>Is written here, it's slowly filling up<strong>_ _**I run towards you and embrace you  
>I can't never let you go from my embrace (I can't)<br>There is no such thing as an end for us**_

What would Puck give to have Kurt run into his arms. Say he didn't cared about Blaine, that it was all a mistake and that in reality he loved and always did loved Puck with all his heart. "Stories...stupid stories I created inside my head!" He was so frustrated. Now more than ever. And no one noticed how he was. He was being completely depressed in school, he wouldn't even come up with his usual comments to make people around him uncomfortable. He would go to school with his mouth closed and would just open it to eat.

Even with the football practices he was acting like a ghost. Finn even asked him if he was sick. Puck assured him everything was alright. After all, what could he say? "_Nah, I'm alright. I'm just in love with your brother and since he's dating another guy I'm going emo._" He couldn't say that. He was sure Finn would have the biggest freak out on earth and would say some unpleasant things, even thought Puck was sure he wouldn't really mean them.

One time Puck got a really good scare. He had one more dream about Kurt and when he woke up he could swear he had seen the younger one sleeping peacefully, with his flawless skin a little flushed and the most innocent look in his face. But as soon Puck rubbed his eyes, he saw it was all his imagination and nothing else. After that moment, the jock was sure he was going insane and was about to have some sort of brain problem.

_**I will say this again, one more time  
>Right now you are next to me<br>I'm believing like that**_ _**I'm the writer who lost his purpose  
>The end of this novel, how am I supposed to write it<strong>_ _**I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I keep writing these 3 words (Everything is Fiction**_**_**)**_**_** Setting the warn out pen on the old paper strained in tears **_**_**(**_**_**Everything is Fiction**_**_**)**_**_**  
>This story can't be happy or sad<strong>_

What was Puck suppose to do. All the memories he kept replaying inside his head, all the touches and kisses, all of those sweet words, were just stupid dreams, stupid plots he created inside his head and now they were taking over him. He wanted to hold on to those memories and believe the were real, at least once. He wanted to believe that he and Kurt had something, at least for a while. "But would I be happy? Of course not." Puck said and continued touching the worn out pages. He lost count of how many times he had read everything he wrote, he lost count of how many times he started smiling when he read those things involving him and the soprano. He lost count of how many times he cried at night knowing that the soprano belonged to someone else that wasn't him. "I would make you so much happier...I would do anything for you and I would always be there."

Puck whispered while looking to a small picture he had from the Glee members, his eyes focusing on Kurt. He couldn't believe he was acting the way he was. This wasn't the Noah Puckerman he knew! This was some guy who had no self love. A guy who acted emo about the most stupid thing in the world. So Kurt didn't loved him! Big deal! He shouldn't care right? He wasn't Finn for god's sake. He wasn't a girl! He was the sex shark, he was the the biggest stud that town has ever seen! "That's right...I **was**!" He thought and he continued reading the small notes he wrote. He once was all those things, but now he was a guy who was completely in love with Kurt and beyond that. He was living on that dream world he created. That world here he was happy, incredibly happy but just for mere seconds. What should he do? What was he suppose to do? "I've to do something before I go crazy."

Could he tell Finn? Quinn? Mercedes? Would they help him or would they think he just lost it once and for all and would just make fun of him? What was he suppose to do? Puck was started to get desperate. He couldn't do anything. He wasn't someone Kurt would fall for. He was just a guy. A guy Kurt hated and didn't cared about at him. It was all in his head. He was just imagining everything. But why couldn't those feelings be imagination as well? Why did they had to be real? It was so painful. Puck looked to the notebook and just read the last lines he wrote. They were simple, but they said everything and they were more painful than any insult in the world. "It's all fiction..."


	2. Obsession

_**Song : Obsession - SHINee**_

Puck didn't even know where to start. Now he was thinking of new ways that he could hurt himself when he got home. He should have said no, he should have come up with the lamest excuse in the whole world and say no to Finn. But no. Of course he didn't said anything like it. He said yes, with an eagerness that Finn just thought it was because he had a new game and wanted Puck to try it out with him.

But honestly, Puck didn't cared about the stupid game at all. He just realized that going to Finn's house was an excuse to be closer to Kurt. They wouldn't talk, they would just give each other a couple of pleasant words and then the soprano would do whatever he did in that basement. But that would be enough for Puck! That would be enough, just being able to hear that voice next to him would be enough.

That was what Puck wanted, but as always he never got what he wanted. As soon he stepped inside the house, he saw his precious soprano and Blaine. They were so distracted with their holding, touching...their kissing, they didn't payed attention to him of Finn. Kurt was focused on the other guy and that made Puck almost lose it.

He couldn't believe it what he was seeing. It was so painful, it was a torture. He hear his heart stop and he could feel it breaking piece by piece. Why was life so cruel to him? What did he do to deserve such a punishment? He had became a pretty decent guy, didn't he? He was even looking for a new job...but why couldn't Kurt see it? Would Puck forever the same horrible, heartless bully? But...he changed. He changed so much! He was even friends with Artie now...so why couldn't Kurt see it?

And to make everything worst now, Puck couldn't sleep. Why did he accepted to spend the night in that house? Deep down he knew it would be one of the most painful things in the world, but even so, he hoped he would be able to be with Kurt, even if it was just for a couple of seconds. He continued looking to the ceiling and he could swear he was hearing Kurt's voice. His whispers, his moans...everything. He sounded exactly like Puck dreamed. Every single thing.

He tried to close his eyes and fall into a deep slumber. He tried to close his eyes and go back to the world he created, where everything was perfect and the way it should be. But he couldn't. The more he tried, the more he heard Kurt. He couldn't take it anymore. Slowly, He got up from the floor of Finn's room and left the room. He didn't have to worry about the noise since Finn slept like a rock and could sleep through a tornado.

Step by step, Puck walked slowly and the more he did, the louder he could heart Kurt. He knew the soprano and Blaine weren't making any noise, but in his head, the two of them were the loudest human beings in the whole world. All he could hear was them. All he could see was them. Nothing else.

He finally got there. He was finally in front of Kurt's bedroom door and the noises became even louder, and he could picture everything. It was like in his dreams. He couldn't stop imagining how soft Kurt's skin would be, he couldn't stop imagining how his lips would taste and how the soprano would touch him. It was heaven. It was exactly what Puck wanted, what he needed. He pressed his ear at the door, wanting to hear more of Kurt's voice, but instead he heard Blaine say 3words that made him realize he wasn't dreaming.

Everything was real. This wasn't another dream. This was reality. "I love you.." He heard Blaine whisper and what happened next made Puck almost scream in pain. "I love you too." No! Kurt shouldn't be saying those things. Not to Blaine. It should be him, not Blaine. It should be him embracing the soprano and declaring his love over and over again.

He could feel his heart beating so fast, like he had been running miles, and his breathing was becoming heavier by the second. He was scared. He didn't want this reality! He wanted to go back to his dreams. He wanted to go back to his stories, he wanted to go back to the place he was happy, really happy.

He wanted to have Kurt back. He wanted Kurt to leave that stupid private school once and for all. Puck promised himself that if the soprano went back, he would confess and would never let him go. Why did Kurt left? Why did Kurt left him? If the soprano had told him...if he had told him everything that happened he would have protected him! He would have protected him from Karosfsky and he wouldn't allow the other jocks to lay a finger on him. Everything would be different, everything would be perfect. Just like he imagined it.

_**My hands tremble more,**_

_**Why are my broken legs still standing here?**_

_**I can't even remember,**_

_**Slowly becoming scared**_

_**Where are you, you were just laughing until now**_

_**Why?**_

_**Has your voice left me?**_

_**You're far away now**_

_**Why?**_

_**Is it getting dim?**_

_**These scars are like shackles**_

"Why me? Why are you doing this to me Kurt?" Puck asked and he continued pressing his forehead to the door. The noises had stopped, he knew both of them were smiling, touching and kissing. No, that couldn't happen! "I feel like I'm being cursed..." He was sure that it was a curse. Other wise, why would his dreams be so real? Why would they become so intense, why would they make Puck's feelings grow even stronger? It wasn't fair. Not fair at all. He even tried to hate Kurt. He tried to hate him with an incredible strength but instead, he felt even harder for the soprano.

_**Curse me for letting go, curse me**_

_**Don't leave me and my shattered heart**_

_**Don't leave me alone, I'm screaming**_

_**Want you, wanting you like crazy**_

_**Your lips that left me shouldn't love**_

_**Don't love me, I threw you away**_

_**I only wanted to give you my my never-ending love**_

_**I had no idea that my overflowing love would strangle you**_

_**All those days I was torn up from my wounded heart**_

_**A love that lost it's way**_

_**I fill up with tears**_

Not being able to hold it anymore, Puck allowed his tears to fall down. Each tear was like a dagger in his heart. He didn't want to cry. Crying made him realize that all of those memories, all of those happy moments, all of those feelings Kurt had for him were pure imagination. Nothing else. And he didn't want to know. He didn't want to realize it.

He didn't want to know that all his memories were a complete fake. They made him happy. They made him so happy when he was sad. When when was needy, when he felt like he wasn't good for anyone. He knew that Kurt saying he was the best, the perfect man, the one he loved was all in his head. But it made him feel so happy. It made him feel so happy to think about those words. It felt so good when he started reading the stories on his notebook before he felt asleep.

But in reality, he knew he would never have Kurt. The soprano could be nice and would always give him the best smile he could, but deep down, he was the same old ice queen and he didn't cared about the jock. He never cared at all. He was just being polite, just being polite. All he cared about was Blaine.

"I love you." Puck whispered at the door and continued imagining how Kurt would answer him, how Kurt would smile and whisper the same words. Why was everything a dream? Why couldn't be real? Puck would give everything he had and more to make all of those stories reality. He just wanted Kurt. It was all he wanted. He didn't want to be perfect, he didn't even cared if he had to lose all he had. It wasn't much. But he was ready to give it all up so he could make the younger man happy and smiling.

_**Your side, your side that became cold now**_

_**Don't leave me and torn my heart**_

_**Don't become more distant**_

_**Although I'm holding your hand**_

_**remember, I will never forget you**_

Puck lost count of how many times he wrote his happy ending, how many times he started wishing his dreams would be just dreams and that he hadn't developed into such strong feelings. "I've to get out of here.." Puck whispered to himself and without even grabbing a shirt, he went running outside, not wanting to keep hearing all he was hearing.

He tried so hard to forget about Kurt but he couldn't. He didn't want to forget. He loved the soprano way too much to forget about him. He was so torn. What was he suppose to do? Ignore his feelings and act the same, like nothing happened? No, he couldn't do it. It was something he couldn't do at all. He was starting to think he was being obsessed with the idea of being with Kurt, of wishing the younger man would be with him. He was started to be afraid of himself.

_**I won't forget the pain of being left alone,**_

_**I can't forget the pain you gave me**_

_**Although you're the reason I became unhappy**_

_**The deep wound slowly burned and turned to ash**_

_**But forgetting would be less painful than losing**_

_**As I suffocate myself, I'm dying from the agony of goodbye**_

_**To that one moment,**_

_**Bring it back**_

Puck seat on a small step outside the house and looked to the sky. He was sure it was about to rain, but he didn't cared. What was rain compared to what he was feeling inside? If only rain could erase every single thing he would be beyond thankful, but what could he do? He was destined to suffer forever and he didn't want it at all. Slowly, Puck cleaned his tears and looked down to his hands, not knowing what he could do.

Should he go back inside? Should he just leave and call Finn in the morning, telling him he had to leave because of an emergency? "...For how long are you going to be here crying?" Puck looked up rather shocked and saw the last person he thought it would talk to him. "Mr. Hummel..." He saw Burt sit next to him and felt those judging eyes scanning him from head to toe. At first he didn't said a thing, but then he felt a hand on his shoulder, a hand that made him almost break down but he tried his best not to, at least not in front of Burt. Then what he heard something that he never thought he would hear in his life."I can help you..."


	3. Love Sick

Burt's words wouldn't leave Puck. He continued looking to the man next to him, his eyes showing nothing more than confusion. The older man just smiled at him, his hand still on Puck's strong shoulder. The jock had no idea how it was possible for Burt just to look at him and make him feel so weak. It was like the mechanic had some sort of power and would intimidate anyone who looked straight into his eyes. "Help me?" Puck asked, not knowing what Kurt's dad meant. Burt nodded and his eyes looked straight into the jock's hazel ones, making him even more nervous and he didn't know why. "I may be old but I'm not stupid or blind...I now you like my son."

Puck didn't answered. He just looked down to his hands and started biting his lower lip. What was he suppose to say? Yes? No. He was sure if he did it, Burt would say he should lose his hopes because he wouldn't allow his precious son to date someone like Puck. A Lima Loser! No mother or father wanted their precious daughter or in this case son, to date him. He was a bad example, he was a bad guy, he was the one who destroyed people's lives. "You don't have to pretend you don't." Burt said, with a very calm tone of voice, but Puck didn't looked at him. He just continued looking down to his hands. He was sure this was all a dream. Of course it was. Only in his dreams Burt would talk to him like that. Only in his dreams he would feel that it was alright to love Kurt.

"You know, I don't like that Blaine kid one bit." Burt spoke, looking around the neighborhood and grabbing his bear, drinking a little. When he heard this, Puck's eyes almost popped and he started staring at the mechanic. This HAD to be a dream. Everyone loved Blaine. He was the perfect boyfriend. He was handsome, he had perfect grades, he was a good son and he took very good care of Kurt! So this had to be a dream. If it wasn't, why in the world would Burt say something like that? Puck just looked away. _**This isn't real, this is just a dream**_...The jock thought and continued starting to his hands, not being able to look at Burt. "..why?"

He managed to ask. His voice was a mere whisper and he felt even worst about it. He knew, everyone knew, that next to Burt Hummel you couldn't show weakness. You had to show you were strong. But now, Puck was as strong as a 4year old. "He's too perfect. He's too nice! That smile gives me the creeps!" Still not looking to Burt, Puck couldn't help but feel a small smile cross his face. Burt had a point. Blaine's smile did scared the hell out of him. It looked like something from a horror movie! "And a relationship that started because of a dead bird can't end well."

Puck didn't know why, and he was starting not to care, but he was liking to have this conversation with Burt. The more the older man talked, the more Puck was sure it was all a dream, but it was a nice dream. And he knew when he woke up he wouldn't feel like shit like he usually did. He wouldn't feel like the world was crushing down on his shoulders. He would feel a huge weight out of him and he would have at least one day of nothing but peace. And it was all Puck needed for now. Peace. He didn't cared if this talk was all a dream, he just knew that he didn't want to wake up and he wanted to keep hearing Burt saying how much he didn't liked Blaine.

Burt looked to the younger man and saw him looking to the floor, not raising his face not even once. He knew very well what was happening to the jock. He wasn't stupid. People around would think he was dense and would just care about his son, but he knew more that he would allow people to know. "here." He said, giving a bottle to Puck. The jock looked at the mechanic and saw him drinking his bear. Puck continued looking confused towards Burt who just raised a brow.

"Don't act all innocent with me! I know you drink!" Burt made a pause. "I rather have you here, drinking with me than go to one of those parties and get drunk! You might end up in juvie again." Another pause and Puck started wondering how Burt knew he had been in juvie, but he didn't asked. "Right now, you need this more than I do." The jock just nodded and grabbed the bear bottle from Burt's hands and started drinking, not wasting any time.

Both continued drinking and now, more than ever, Puck was sure this was a dream. But it was indeed such a nice dream. "I seriously don't like that Blaine kid..." Burt whispered and Puck looked at him. He opened his mouth to speak, to ask why he didn't liked him, but it seemed the older Hummel knew what kind of question he was about to do. "He won't make Kurt happy." He spoke, his voice harsh. "He might make him happy now, but Blaine is the kind of guy that will find another person who he will find a deep connection or whatever and he'll leave Kurt all alone."

How Puck wished that it was true. If it was true, he would be with his arms open, ready to console Kurt, to take care of him and ease the pain in his heart, making everything alright and he would make the soprano forget who Blaine was. But...he knew that wouldn't happen. Of course it wouldn't. He was sure Blaine and Kurt would be forever together. And he would be all alone, looking from afar. Feeling the pain of losing the one person he really loved to another guy. Puck knew, he knew he was born to be with Kurt. He was sure the two of them were made for each other. He just felt it.

In his dreams, in his dreams they were the perfect match. In his stories no matter who hated them, no matter how many times they were insulted, they stood together, loving each other, supporting each other. But in reality Kurt wouldn't even look straight into Puck's eyes. His destiny was to be alone. Forever. Every time he read his stories he felt that loving Kurt was a sin. That he shouldn't. That the worst thing he was doing to the world was love the soprano. But he didn't cared. He didn't cared if it was a sin. He didn't mind to be a sinner. He refused to stop loving Kurt.

Kurt was like his rock. Even if he couldn't have the soprano, he would have his notebook. His notebook where everything was written. He would just close his eyes and he would feel an instant happiness. Something that would never happen in real life. But Puck wanted it to be real. He wanted so bad that he was starting to go insane.

_**When I miss you, I close my eyes and I can see that person better  
>I try to forget and erase, but I get reminded of that person more<br>I told myself a lie thinking that that person would come back  
>That person never said that she will be coming back, but all I can do is wait<br>**_

_**The sin of loving that person a lot, the sin of loving you a lot  
>Because of you, and because of sin, I'm sick of waiting<br>The sin of loving you more, the sin of missing you a lot  
>Because of you, and because of sin, I'm crying with pain... like this<strong>_

"...Why are you torturing yourself son?" Burt asked and Puck looked at him, his eyes sparkling because of the tears forming in his eyes. He had to be strong! He was going to be strong and he wouldn't allow anything to make him cry. "What you mean?" Puck asked looking down to the floor and drinking more, so the older man wouldn't see how pitiful he looked at the moment. "You like Kurt. I could see it even from space!" Burt made a pause and continued looking at Puck who was drinking, trying his best not to hear the older man. "Listen."

Burt started talking and his tone of voice almost forced the jock looking at him. He saw how serious the older man was and didn't said a word at first. He knew Puck was feeling like the world was kicking him on the gut and that everything he did and tried would end up like crap. "You're not precisely what I would like as a boyfriend for my son...Specially since you went to juvie and that you have a certain fame around here." Burt got up and Puck continued following him with his eyes, knowing what Burt was going to say next. "...but I know you're the best Kurt will ever find in his life." With that, the oldest Hummel left him all alone outside. He needed to rest so he could work the next day.

_**It's a dream. Mr. Hummel would NEVER say such things to me. Never.**_ Puck couldn't help but feel the tears running down his eyes. He finally reached his breaking point. And he never had one. He just thought he would managed to keep it all inside him until he forgot about everything, until everything he felt would just become a stupid memory, another stupid plot and nothing else. "Will I ever...have Kurt just for myself?" He asked to the night, between sobs. He never realized he was so weak. He thought he was strong, he thought he could take anything. He survived juvie, so why couldn't he survive this?

_**I told myself a lie thinking that that person would come back  
>That person never said that she will be coming back, but all I can do is wait<strong>_

_**The sin of loving that person a lot, the sin of loving you a lot  
>Because of you, and because of sin, I'm sick of waiting<br>The sin of loving you more, the sin of missing you a lot  
>Because of you, and because of sin, I'm crying with pain... <strong>_

"Get over it Puckerman! Get over it!" He said as he got up and started walking back and forward the house. He just couldn't stand thinking about how miserable he was. He wanted to be the same old Puckerman who would scare nerds just by looking at them. He wanted to be the same old guy who would make fun of Finn's sexuality, saying that his best friend was possibly gay but was in the closet because Rachel was threatening him.

Was it too much to ask? He just needed that. He just needed to be same old guy and he knew Kurt would finally notice him, he knew that if he showed how badass he could be without hurting the object of his love, Kurt would notice him and love him forever.

Hope was the last to die right? And if what Burt told him was accurate. It was a matter of time for Blaine to leave Kurt. He didn't wanted the soprano to suffer, but if it meant Kurt suffer just a little so Puck could finally have Kurt in his arms, he would take it. He would take that chance so bad, and he would never let it go. He would love Kurt with all his being. His fiction world would become real and he wouldn't need to close himself, he wouldn't need to be depressed. He would happy again. He would be happy with Kurt. "I dream too much..."

_**Breaking up is fast, but forgetting is hard  
>The love is painful, and I am hurt alone<strong>_

_**Did you have to leave that far away from me?  
>Did you have to leave that far away from me?<br>I should have loved you with all my life, but you forgot me now like a heartless person  
>I should have loved you with my all, but now you live forgetting me<strong>_

_**With all my life, the person that I love  
>That person only gave me tears and left<br>The tough love which I was hurt alone**_

_**The sin of loving you more, the sin of missing you a lot  
>Because of you, and because of sin, I'm crying with pain... like this <strong>_

A loud noise was heard. Puck looked around but didn't saw a thing. He continued walking around the house, wearing only his pajama pants, nothing else. But it was such a hot night he didn't cared. "What the?" He asked himself as he heard the noise again. He looked around and then he saw a small shadow coming closer to him. What if it was a thief? What if it was a crazy man trying to hurt him? He continued looking, and started walking closer.

"BOO!" Puck could feel his heart jump from his chest and almost fainted. He looked to his right and what he saw made his heat beat even faster and he just thanked that it was dark, or else his flushed face would be visible. "Damn it Hummel...what are you doing here?" He asked and even thought it was dark, he could see a small smirk on Kurt's face. "I could ask you the same thing." Kurt looked to Puck. "I was in the kitchen drinking and I saw you...and I couldn't sleep." Puck just nodded but then raised a brow. "Why? The midget isn't satisfying you?"

That wasn't what the jock wanted to say, it wasn't what he should ask, but it just slipped. "I don't think it's any of your business." The jock raised a brow, hiding perfectly how he was feeling inside. He just wanted to grab Kurt and kiss him. "If it was me instead of him, you wouldn't even get up from that bed." Again, why he saying such things? He didn't want to say those things.

He wanted to say sweet words, saying how much he loved Kurt, but instead, those words were coming out. He continued looking to Kurt and the other man just started walking away. He just walked inside the house and gave Puck one last look before giving him a weak smile. "I think I would like to see that." When Puck heard that he could swear he was going to die in that same exact moment. So he wasn't dreaming...He was drunk! He was drunk and now was having hallucinations! Or maybe Kurt was just acting like the old Puck would want. "...I can't even say what's reality and fantasy anymore..."


	4. Rainy Days

Puck couldn't help but stare to the younger man who was eating his dinner with his boyfriend, both smiling to each other and acting like two lovebirds, acting like he and Finn weren't there watching the whole scene. Burt and Carole had left early, not even saying goodbye to their own sons, since the two were going for a weekend trip, just the two of them.

"_I would like to see that_..." those words wouldn't leave Puck's mind, no matter how much he tried. He knew those words, the conversation with Burt was all real. He knew it because he didn't woke up sweating or crying like he usually did. It was real. _**But why did he said that to me**_? Puck asked himself as he continued eating, trying his nest not to stare at the couple next that was making him want to throw up.

"Can't they do that in his room?" Asked Finn, and Puck looked at him. He knew the reasons why his best friend wanted the couple away were completely different from his, but he still raised a brow and looked to Finn who was trying to eat his pizza. "Why? You jealous?" Asked Puck with a little of amusement on his voice and looked to the shocked face from his fellow jock and could swear Finn was blushing a little. "No...of course not! Don't be stupid!"

Puck didn't said anything else. He just nodded and continued eating, trying his best not to look at Kurt. He didn't wanted to look. He didn't want to feel more miserable than he was feeling at that exact moment. Besides the want to punch Blaine right into the mouth so he could stop giving Kurt that stupid toothpaste commercial smile.

He just said goodbye to everyone in the kitchen, saying he had to go home and take care of his sister, which was a lie. His mother and sister had left for the weekend, and he was completely alone. He just didn't want to stay in the same house has Kurt and Blaine. Looking at them or hearing them was painful enough. He saw the couple leaving the kitchen as well, but they were going towards Kurt's room, doing what Puck didn't want to imagine them doing. He should be the one smirking and touching Kurt, not the Blaine guy.

Slowly, Puck walked outside and saw the rain following slowly. He didn't know why, but rain always made him feel so good. It was like would wash away his problems, even if it was just for a couple of seconds. He didn't even cared if he got his car wet. It felt good to have the rain against his skin, and made him feel really good. He loved it, since he was a kid. It was something he would love forever. He knew he would.

Driving home was rather painful. He couldn't forget Kurt's words but when he saw the way the soprano and Blaine were behaving, were making Puck go insane. What was he suppose to think? He was going insane and was starting to question his mental health. And Kurt's too. It wasn't normal to say such words and in the morning act like he didn't said anything. He saw the way the soprano avoided to be alone with him. He saw and it hurt him so much. Puck wanted to grab Kurt, kiss him and beg him to leave Blaine. That he wasn't worth his love. But the jock wasn't even sure if HE was worth Kurt's love, but he knew he would try harder than anyone.

And Burt...Why did he said those things to him? Why did the older Hummel said he was the one who should be with Kurt, and not Blaine? Blaine was the perfect man right? He was the one who was meant to be with the soprano, at least according to the girls from the Glee club. They were always talking how perfect those two were, even Santana, and for her to say something like that was because she liked to see them together.

Once he was in the house, he noticed that without his sister there, he would have one of the most boring weekends of his life. But then again, it was Saturday night. His mother and sister would get home on Monday. Until that day, he would have to come up with something to distract himself. He even thought about going out to a party, since a couple of his friends invited him, but he wasn't feeling like it. He didn't felt like getting drunk, he didn't felt like smelling like smoke when he got home and he honestly didn't want some random girl, smelling like cheap perfume rubbing herself on him.

He walked towards his room and closed the door behind him. It was a habit he had. Even alone in the house, he would close the door. It was like he was closing in the only place that it was truly his. Puck grabbed his cellphone and looked to the screen. He had a text. It was weird, because he rarely got texts, and since he stopped sextexting Santana it was even harder to get one. Finn would just send one and Artie would call him instead.

He opened the message and his eyes almost popped when he saw from who it was. "Kurt?" He asked himself. Unconsciously he stood straight into his bed and started reading the text. It didn't said much. In fact, Puck didn't understood a word that was there. It was just letters. They didn't said a thing. Just letters. What did that meant? What did Kurt want to say with that? Did Kurt even meant to send that to him or was it just a stupid joke that the soprano decided to pull since he and Blaine were probably bored? No...that was just too cruel. That was just too much for him to handle.

_**When the world turns dark  
>And the rain quietly falls<br>Everything is still**_

_**Even today, without a doubt  
>I can't get out of it<br>I can't get out from the thoughts of you**_

Puck heard the door bell. He raised a brow, forgetting about the weird text for a while. He got up and left his cell behind, not even bothering to understand what Kurt had written for to him. The door bell rang again and Puck got seriously annoyed. He hated the sound of it and asked his mother to change it more than once, but she wouldn't do it. "WHAT?" He asked as he opened the door but regretted his words as soon he saw who was. His heart started beating really fast, his hands sweating and after a couple of moments he could sweat his heart beat stopped and that he would die right there. "K...H...Hummel?" He managed to ask, trying his best not to seem too nervous and excited.

He couldn't believe it. Kurt, THE Kurt Hummel was standing at his door step, wet to the bone, his eyes and lips red, his whole body shacking and he looked so small, so hopeless. "Can I...come in?" He asked, trying his best not to remain too desperate. The only thing Puck did was nod and his eyes followed the younger one who was at the moment getting his floor completely wet. Puck was sure this was a dream. It was the only explanation. It was one of the most realistic dreams he ever had, and seeing Kurt, being able to see him that close, was too much for Puck to take it. He was ready to jump and hold the soprano. "What happened?" He asked as he closed the door behind him.

_**Now  
>I know that it's the end<br>I know that it's all just foolishness  
>Now I know that it's not true<br>I am just disappointed in myself for  
>Not being able to get a hold of you because of that pride<strong>_

_**On the rainy days you come and find me  
>Torturing me through the night<br>When the rain starts to stop, you follow  
>Slowly, little by little, you will stop as well<strong>_

"B...Blaine...He...He.." Kurt couldn't help but allow his tears from falling from his eyes. He looked down and started cleaning his face. Slowly, Puck touched the soprano's arm and his heart almost jumped. He couldn't believe how real it felt. He couldn't believe how real touching Kurt felt. It was like all of what was happening wasn't a dream at all. "He left me...he said I was...He said I was using him..."

Kurt made a pause a looked towards Puck's hazel eyes. The jock just realized how close the two of them were when Kurt's nose rubbed against his. Just that small movement made his whole body shiver and he could feel his whole blood boiling with want. He wanted Kurt so much. "He said I never loved him...that I was cruel...that I didn't deserved him...He said I was the worst person he even meet."

Puck could feel anger travel his whole body. Kurt was many things, but he was a good person. He never did anything to hurt anyone. On the contrary. He did everything to make people he cared about happy. _**This is a dream...if it wasn't, Blaine wouldn't say those things.**_ Puck thought to himself and without saying a word, he held Kurt in his arms, making the younger whimper in surprise. "I'm here.." Puck answered, and for some reason he wanted to cry. He should be happy. He should be beyond happy that Kurt and Blaine weren't together anymore. He should be happy that Kurt was finally there, in his arms. But why was he feeling such an intense pain inside his heart? Why was he feeling that everything would end as fast as it started?

_**I must be drunk, I think I need to stop drinking  
>Since the rain is falling, I think I might fall as well<br>Well this doesn't mean that I miss you, no it doesn't mean that  
>It just means that the time we had together was a bit sharp<br>When it's the type of day that you really liked  
>I keep opening the raw memories of you<br>Making the excuse that it's all memories, I take a step forward  
>I don't even make the effort to escape<strong>_

"Stay with me." Puck whispered again, his voice shacking and he started biting his lower lip, stopping the tears from running down his eyes. He had no idea why he was feeling like that. Why couldn't he be happy? Why couldn't he tell Kurt how much he needed him? Why couldn't he stop wishing he was reading his stories? Why couldn't he stop wishing he was dreaming about everything and in a couple of minutes he would wake up? Why couldn't he wish that it was all real? Why couldn't he stop torturing himself? Why couldn't he escape the pain?"I can't..." Kurt whispered and Puck started felt his heart drop. He looked to Kurt and saw his beautiful blue eyes looking at him, like he pitted him.

_**Now  
>I erased all of you<br>I emptied out all of you  
>But when the rain falls again<br>All the memories of you I hid with effort  
>It all comes back, it must be looking for you<strong>_

_**On the rainy days you come and find me  
>Torturing me through the night<br>When the rain starts to stop, you follow  
>Slowly, little by little, you will stop as well<strong>_

"Why not?" Asked Puck, trying his best not to break down. "Because this isn't real." Kurt whispered back, pressing his forehead against Puck. He knew it. He knew this was all a dream! Why was life so cruel to him? What did he do to deserve such a cruel punishment? Was someone having fun seeing him suffer like that?

Puck got to the point he couldn't even breath. He was suffocating with his own breath and he could swear he was feeling the floor open under his feet. "This is real!" He shouted in anger and tears. He continued looking at Kurt who was crying as well and biting his lower lip. "This isn't real Puck...it's all a dream...I'm so sorry..."

He didn't want to hear apologies. Puck wanted Kurt to stop saying those words. He wanted Kurt to stop saying those painful words and he wanted to be able to hold the younger man with a smile in his face and proclaim his love over and over again.

But why wasn't he doing it? Why was being so hard to say how much he loved the soprano. "Puck..." He heard Kurt calling him and he looked to him with his hazel eyes, begging him to be held, begging him for some kind of affection. "Puck..." he called again, his soft hand brushing against his cheek. "Puck..." He was confused. Why was Kurt calling him so many times? "Puck...Stay with me Puck..."

Why was he doing that? And why was his voice so low, but at the same time sounding so desperate? "Stay with me!" why was he looking at him with such a pained expression? Puck started seeing a couple of shadows behind Kurt and he had to admit that was scaring him. What was happening? Why were that shadows looking like people? "Puck...DON'T YOU DARE! STAY WITH ME!" Everything became black.

He stopped seeing Kurt, he stopped seeing everything around him. He couldn't even see his own hands. He was scared. He was confused. What was happening? Puck tried to walk but his legs wouldn't move. He tried to speak, but the words wouldn't come out. "Beep" He heard and tried to figure from where that noise came. He heard the same noise again but he couldn't move...he was just like a statue.

_**Now  
>I erased all of you<br>I emptied out all of you  
>But when the rain falls again<br>All the memories of you I hid with effort  
>It all comes back, it must be looking for you<strong>_

_**On the rainy days you come and find me  
>Torturing me through the night<br>When the rain starts to stop, you follow  
>Slowly, little by little, you will stop as well<strong>_

He opened his eyes. He looked around and felt the intense light hitting his face making him groan. Gently, he rubbed his eyes and looked around. That wasn't his room. He tried to move but felt his body heavier than usual and when he looked down to his arms he saw his right arm with a huge bandage and his left one with a good amount of stitches.

What happened to him?"Puck?" He looked to his left and he saw Finn and Kurt, looking at him with worried eyes. "Thank god!" Both said, taking a deep breath and Puck was now even more confused. "Dude! You scared the shit out of us!" Finn said, trying his best to smile. "..:What happened?"

Puck asked, trying his best not to focus his full attention to Kurt who looked like complete crap. Even his clothes didn't look flawless like they always did. They looked messy, baggy and not fashionable at all. "When you left our house a truck hit your car." The soprano said, his eyes the reflection of concern. "It was completely crushed. It was really hard to take you from the car" Kurt made a pause and looked down to his hands. Puck could sense he was about to say something, something bad, he just didn't know could be.

"...You were even declared death for 2minutes when you were in surgery..." Puck didn't said a thing, but he could feel his heart breaking when he saw the way Kurt was acting. He looked like he was going to cry anytime soon. "...you..." Finn started biting his lower lip and looked to his best friend that was starting to get really scared. "You had to get surgery to your spine." Finn said as bluntly as he could but Puck could see how his friend was about to break down. "...and something went wrong..." Kurt continued, trying his best not to cry. "...You won't be able to walk again."


	5. Back To You

He couldn't believe it. He couldn't believe what was happening to him. "_..you won't be able to walk again_." No, that couldn't be true. It had to be another dream. It had to be another dream, another painful, horrible dream. That couldn't be happening to him. It wasn't fair. Puck could feel the tears running down his eyes and he just didn't know what to do.

He wouldn't be the same. He needed his legs. He needed his legs to drive, he needed his legs to play football and he needed his legs to be with Kurt! Now he was sure the soprano wouldn't want to be with him! Who wanted to be with a cripple? Kurt would never want to spend his time with him! Kurt would just spend even more time with Blaine so he wouldn't need to see Puck's condition!

Artie was lucky enough to be with Brittany. She really adored him, and would do anything for him, but what about Puck? Puck would have no one now. He wouldn't be able to play with his sister anymore. He wouldn't be able to work and help his mother. What was going to happen to him? "Hey dude...are you okay?" Puck looked to the side and he saw Finn looking at him with worried eyes. He never saw his best friend crying so bad, and the more Finn looked to Puck, the worst he felt. He knew it wasn't his fault that Puck was like that, but it was stronger than him.

"You think I'm okay? Do I look okay?" Puck asked, his voice raising but his friend couldn't judge him. He couldn't even imagine what his fellow jock was feeling at the moment, so he decided that the best idea for the moment was allow Puck to shout, insult and scream for as long as he wanted. He needed it. "I can't feel my legs! I can't walk! How can I be okay?"

Asked Puck and before he could stop it, he started crying and even thought he was trying to stop the tears, he couldn't. The more he tried to stop, the worst it got. He couldn't stop them. He never cried in front of anyone but now he didn't cared if his reputation was ruined in front of Finn. He just wanted to wash away his pain and wanted to wake up. This had to be a dream, this couldn't be reality. This had to be another dream, another story. It couldn't be anything else than that. "Listen...I don't know how you must be feeling but...You know I'll be here to help you right?"

Finn asked with a small smile but Puck just turned away, trying to hide his tears but his sobs getting a little louder than he wished. "What am I going to do?" Puck asked, not directly to Finn. He even forgot for moments his best friend was there. He was feeling so broken that he was sure nothing would make him feel better. Nothing at all. "...I talked to Artie! He said he would help you and.." Finn didn't continued his words because he knew this wasn't the kind of talk Puck wanted to have at the moment. He knew Puck just wanted to be left alone and wanted to cry until he had no more tears left.

Puck was in pain. Both physically and mentally. He could feel his whole body aching and no matter how many times he touched his legs, he couldn't feel them. He even tried to punch his legs, wishing he would feel something, anything at all, even pain. But nothing. Not even a numb sensation. He couldn't believe it. This, this alone was the punishment he deserved for all the bad things he did. This was his punishment for going to juvie! This was what he got for being that stupid idiot he was before. It was all his fault.

He refused to take his painkillers, but was pretty sure his mother mixed them with his food. His mother...he couldn't even look at her in the eyes. She looking so broken, and was doing her best to smile to him. She wanted to show him she would always be there for him, and that she didn't loved him less because he was going o be in a wheel chair or not. Sarah just decided to ignore it and continued behaving the way she always did. Puck was sure she was only doing that to make him feel better, but unfortunately it wasn't working at all.

"...Kurt will never love me now.." He whispered, feeling his body incredibly heavy and continued feeling the tears running down his eyes. He knew in a couple of minutes his family was going to open that door and take him home. "What?" Finn asked, hearing everything the older jock said. His eyes almost popped when he heard Puck's so-not-confession. Did his best friend...loved Kurt? As in, Kurt Hummel, his step brother? "You love Kurt?"

Asked Finn, almost forcing Puck to face him. The jock just looked to his best friend, his hazel eyes full of tears and Finn didn't need words at all. He needed no words. He understood right away what his friend felt. Puck started biting his lower lip and didn't said a word. He tried to move on the wheel-chair, but since he wasn't used to it, he was failing miserably. All he could think right now was how stupid he felt when he made fun of Mr. Schue for making them use the wheel-chair so they could learn how Artie lived everyday.

Who knew he would be learning about it in first hand? "What do I do now Finn? Now that I'm like this...he will never love me...now I lost all the chances I had, no matter how small they were..." Finn didn't said a word. He just looked to his best friend and gave him a small smile. "We'll find a way. And I would rather see you with him than that Blaine guy! He's so weird!" In a normal situation, Puck would have laughed, but he didn't. He just looked down to his legs and didn't said a thing or even made a noise.

The door opened and both teens saw Kurt entering with a very worried look on his face. "Finn, my dad wants to talk to you before we take Puck home!" He said and The taller just nodded and left the room. He couldn't help but smile a little when he saw that Kurt and Puck were going to be alone for a little while. The door closed and Kurt seat on the bed, and the jock stood next to the window like he was before. "So, your dad is taking me home?"

Puck asked, looking down to his arms, seeing the stitches and the small scars. "It seems you're going to live with us for a while." Hearing that, made Puck look up, his eyes wide and he could see Kurt giving him a small smile. "He and Carole talked to your mother, and since you don't have conditions or room in your own house...you'll be with us for a while, until she finds a better house where she can take care of you."

"So basically, I'm going to be a pain in the ass, not only for my mother but for your whole family." Puck said, his voice rather angry but Kurt didn't seemed affected by it. He didn't want to be a pain! Why couldn't he just lay on a corner and die? Why couldn't he be left alone? He was going to bother everyone. He was forcing his mother to find a new house, a house she couldn't afford, and now was going to make the whole Hummel-Hudson take care of him because he wasn't fit to take care of himself. "Who said you were going to be a pain?" Kurt asked looking straight into Puck's eyes, making the jock rather uncomfortable. He felt like those blue eyes were judging him and he didn't know what to do.

_**When I try to forget the past times, I can't forget it (I can't forget it)  
>Your voice that used to always call my name roams in my ears (Roams in my ears) <strong>_

_**Unknowingly my footsteps are headed towards you  
>Now what do I do? What do I do now?<strong>_

_**Don't you tell me why  
>Don't let me down<br>Comeback, I keep thinking of you  
>Please just one time (One more time again)<strong>_

"I won't be?" Puck asked, his voice dry and Kurt looked at him. "I don't think you'll." He said and got up from the bed and knelt in front of Puck. The first thought the older that crossed his mind, was that he wanted to bent down and kiss the younger man. But he controlled himself. He just stood there staring at Kurt and had to admit he was impressed that the soprano was kneeling on the floor, with the possibility of getting his designer pants completely ruined. "What? Are you feeling sorry for the cripple?"

Puck's voice was dry and harsh. He didn't want anyone to be sorry. He didn't want people's pity. He knew it was going to be hard, but he wanted people to treat him like they always did. "No. Should I?" Kurt asked still looking into Puck's eyes. "I know you're the badass, the one who doesn't need people's help...but please, let us help you." Kurt said but Puck looked away, not wanting to look into those eyes. Those eyes that were driving him crazy, those eyes that were making him feel that being in a wheel-chair wasn't as bad he thought it was. "Why do you want to help me?"

_**I'm going out of my mind  
>I can't see you<strong>_

_**Tell me I can go go go Back to you you you you  
>I can't live on with you true true true<br>I need you, to you back to you**_

_**Come back to you (uh uh oh uh uh oh)  
>Because of you (uh uh oh uh uh oh)<br>I remember you (uh uh oh uh uh oh)  
>I need you, to you back to you<strong>_

Puck needed to know. He needed to know why Kurt was saying those words, but instead he saw the soprano give him a small smile and his eyes never left Puck's face. "You're my friend right?" He asked and Puck could swear his heart broke. Friend? He didn't want to be Kurt's friend! He had plenty of friends and he didn't need another one. What he needed was Kurt to be with him and take care of him. "Don't worry. Me and Finn will take care of you." The soprano started saying with a calm, sweet tone of voice.

"We'll drive you anywhere you want a-" Before he could continue, Puck pressed his hand against the soprano's lips, and he couldn't believe how much he felt just with that. Kurt wasn't even kissing him. It was just his lips pressed to his hand, nothing else.

"I don't want Finn!" The jock started. He knew it was late to go back with his words but he didn't cared. He was going to say everything, even if that killed him or meant that Kurt would never look to his face ever again for as long both lived. "I don't want your dad, I don't want Carole and I don't want my mother!" Kurt continued looking to Puck, with the jock's hand still pressing on his lips. "You. I want you."

_**When I try to empty my heart towards you, it doesn't erase  
>I only need you, only you I need<strong>_

_**Don't you tell me why  
>Don't let me down<br>The memories with you keep coming up  
>I can't forget (I can't erase)<strong>_

_**I wonder if you think of me sometimes  
>You bad person<strong>_

If only Kurt knew how many things he meant by that. If only Kurt understood his words. He could see the soprano look at him with a very confused face, and not even thinking, Puck wrapped his arms around the younger man and brought him closer. As close as they could be with Puck in the wheel-chair and Kurt knelt in front of him. "You want the fag to drive you around?" Kurt asked with an amused face but Puck didn't smiled at all. "Or you rather have the fag to drive you to physiotherapy?"

"Don't call yourself that!" Puck almost shouted and he could see the surprised face Kurt was giving him, but instead of pulling away, the jock grabbed him even closer, making the soprano rather uncomfortable but didn't pulled away. "...I...I'm going to be a pain Hummel! I'm good for nothing now, but I there's only one thing I can do!"

Kurt raised a brow and looked to Puck, curious about what he meant by that. "I can apologize for everything I did to you...I can apologize for everything I called you..." Another pause and Kurt couldn't hide how surprised he was. "I'm sorry...will you ever forgive me?" Puck asked, fear dripping from his voice and Kurt stopped looking at him and looked to the floor, not wanting to look at the jock. He even tried to pull away a little, but the older man didn't allowed him to go.

_**I probably can't even measure up to the wind that blows by ah ah  
>Even if you left me coldly, I don't hate you<br>I keep drawing you back fervently  
>What is the use if I'm going to be hurting again<br>I say no more**_

_**Tell me I can go go go Back to you you you you  
>I can't live on with you true true true<br>I need you, to you back to you**_

Kurt took a deep breath and looked into Puck's eyes. He slowly got up, and the jock was too weak to keep him in his arms. He saw the sad smile the soprano was giving him and when he saw Kurt bent down to him, he started thinking the younger was going to kiss him, but then he felt those lips brushing against his ear, making him shiver.

"You're good for many things." Kurt spoke. "You're a good person...You showed that more than once." Puck was so sure this was a dream, but even so, he tried to hold Kurt's hand, but something was stopping him. He didn't found the strength to do it. But he wanted, oh he wanted bad. "You think I'll ever walk again?"

Puck asked, his voice just a whisper and he could feel Kurt smiling against his cheek. "I know you'll. You're Noah Puckerman. It won't be a stupid wheel-chair that will stop you from getting what you want." Puck started feeling his ego grow when he heard those words but tried his best to calm down and not show it.

If this was a dream, it was the most realistic dream he ever had in his entire life, and he didn't want to wake up. Ever. "Will you take care of me?" It should have come out as a sentence with humor, but instead it came out as needy. "I'll.." He spoke and Puck swallowed really hard and started feeling his hands shacking. "What will your midget say?" He asked and he felt Kurt smile again. "He doesn't own me." Kurt spoke, his voice low, just a whisper, nothing else. "Would you rather be with me or Blaine?"

_**It's so hard looking at you , who I used to be with be everyday, just in my dreams  
>At least if it was a nightmare, I would wake up and everything would be the way it was<strong>_

Puck had no idea from where that question came from. It just did and when he noticed what he said, it was too late. He didn't felt the soprano move. He continued bent towards him and didn't said a thing at first. The silence was killing both. Puck knew this was all a dream, but he still felt so nervous, he still felt his heart jumping and he could swear that he was going to wake up before Kurt gave him an answer. "If you have to ask, it's because the answer isn't as obvious as I thought."

The jock opened his mouth to speak, but before he could, two nurses and Burt behind them. The soprano left, and Puck didn't know what to think. What did Kurt meant by those words? Did Kurt liked him back? Or was Kurt just playing with his mind? The soprano did said Blaine didn't owned him, but that didn't meant anything. Anything at all! "...What am I suppose to do now?"


	6. Tragedy

"Say that again?" Finn asked while looking to his friend, trying to keep up with his words, but even paying his full attention, he couldn't understand half of the things the jock was saying. How was possible that he was so slow? "What part of 'I'm on love with your step-brother' don't you understand?" Puck asked, rather annoyed. He forgot how many times he talked about this with Finn, but the younger man would still ask for a better explanation! And Puck couldn't give a better explanation. Even a 3year old would have understood everything by now. Maybe if he drew what he was saying, Finn would understand the whole thing. "It's my legs that aren't working, not my voice!"

Puck was seriously annoyed. He didn't want to be there with Finn. He wanted to be in the basement with Kurt. He didn't want to be sleeping next to a guy that snored louder than everyone in that house put together. And it was even worst when Finn started having wet dreams about god knows who! Puck could swear one time his friend said Mike and Sam's name. He was sure he wasn't dreaming about it! He was sure that happened and he had to ask Finn what in the world was that dream whole about.

"I know dude it's just...when did you became gay?" Finn asked and then started biting his lower lip knowing he shouldn't have asked something like that. He knew he should have asked it with another words, but then again, he was Finn. He didn't thought about the right way to ask things. He would just ask and that was done. "I didn't become gay you moron!"

Puck glared at his friend who continued giving that innocent look, not wanting to be insulted, but he also knew the jock wasn't affected by his face, but he still tried. "I may be gay, bi, I don't label myself! I just like...I just happen to love Kurt!" Puck said and looked down to his hands. He wasn't ashamed to say the world he had deep feelings for the younger man, not at all. He was just ashamed he didn't realized them before. "It's complicated..." He said and Finn just nodded to him. "Dude relax! I'm not going to judge you at all! If I did I would he a hypo...hypo...Hypocrite!"

The older couldn't help but give a small smile and looked to his friend. Both stood in complete silence and didn't said a thing. Until, Puck remembered something. "Kurt told me...Well, he gave me the impression things between him and the midget guy...aren't going so smoothly...is that true?" Puck asked, remembering Kurt's words before he left the hospital. Finn looked at him with a not so surprised face and then Puck saw his friend bite his lower lip. That meant he knew something, no matter how small it was.

"They had a fight but everything is good now..." Puck just nodded and looked down to his hands. He should have known. Like people said, those two were made for each other, so if they had a fight it was only natural the two of them would work it out as fast as possible. "If you want, I can plant some of my underwear on his things to Kurt thinks he's cheating on him. Then he'll run to your arms and you'll be together!" Finn said, sounding more amusing than he should. Puck raised a brow and looked to his friend. "You really don't like the hobbit, do you?" He asked and he could swear Finn gave him a small glare. "He's a jackass! And no normal guy smiles like that!"

But even with all that, Puck couldn't be amused at all. He couldn't smile, he couldn't laugh and he couldn't make fun at all. Every time he felt asleep he would dream about Kurt. And how painful it was to know he had those dreams and the younger one was sleeping in the same house. It was so painful that he couldn't touch, that he couldn't hold, that he couldn't kiss at all. He couldn't even fall asleep like he should.

Just knowing the soprano was there, so close to him, so close for him to touch, and he couldn't do a thing. All he could do was dream and think how much he needed and wanted Kurt. And those words wouldn't leave Puck's mind. Why in the world did Kurt said those things? To mess up with him? To mess up with his head?

And when he went to physiotherapy for the first time, all he could do was look to Kurt and couldn't even pay attention to what the nurse was telling him to do. He even forgot how many times he failed to try to move his legs. He honestly just wanted to give up. What was the point? Doctors said the possibilities of him walking again were really low.

So what was the point? He didn't even knew if he had the strength to keep going! He just wanted to say no, that he would never comeback to a place like that and just wanted to be locked in a room so no one would annoy him, so no one would ask him what was wrong with him, so no one would feel pity for him. "_Don't give up! I'm here to help!_" He still remembered those words.

_**You're like the wind passing by me**_

_**Without Saying goodbye**_

_**That Feeling that can Kill**_

_**My tears, start to fall**_

_**I can't hold you in my arms anymore.**_

_**I don't know why I cried,**_

_**I just want to hug you again.**_

"Finn, Sam is here!" They heard Carole call her son and Puck raised a brow. He saw his friend blush a little but tried to avoid the intense look the jock was giving him. "We're just going to buy a new video game!" Finn explained but Puck continued looking at him. "Hey, I didn't asked a thing!" Puck said, raising his hands in defense. That only made Finn feel even more and left the room without even saying goodbye to his friend.

As soon he heard the door close, a feeling of loneliness started to over power him and the closest thing he had to a smile on his face was lost and he didn't know what to do. He didn't even know why. In one minute he was feeling fine and in the other he was really depressed and didn't even do anything to make himself feel better.

He missed his notebook. He missed his stories. He missed his happy stories. Since he had moved to that house his dreams were of Kurt leaving him and making fun of him for being in a wheel-chair. Why were his dreams torturing him? Why were his dreams make him suffer so much? It wasn't real life enough anymore? Now he needed to suffer in real life? Now he couldn't even dream to be happy? Why was life so cruel? He wanted his notebook, he needed his notebook to feel a little bit of happiness or else he would die.

_**Stupid love**_

_**Foolish love**_

_**The end of love is always goodbye and tears**_

_**I hoped that you would change your mind**_

_**and comeback to my side.**_

_**I will still love you forever**_

_**Please don't ever forget about me**_

_**Even after this tragic love ends,**_

_**I'm waiting for you**_

Why couldn't Kurt see how much he loved him? Why couldn't Kurt see that he needed him? He needed the younger man so much, his love was almost overflowing and he still couldn't show how much Kurt meant to him. "I'm such an idiot..."

Puck whispered to himself and continued remembering his dreams. He started touching his legs, wanting, needing to feel something, but nothing. He couldn't feel a thing. He could swear sometimes he felt his legs moving while he was sleeping, and that made him wake up in the middle of the night, his heart beating so fast with hope, but as soon he would open his eyes, everything would come crushing down. Reality would come.

Tears started rolling down Puck's tears and he was so distracted by them that he didn't even noticed the bedroom door open and a very delicate frame enter the room ever so slowly. "I deserve this... I should just die..." He made a pause and took the chance to clean his tears. "I don't deserve to be loved...especially not now...I deserve what I got!" He whispered still not noticing the frame close to him. He just continued crying and continued touching his legs. "Why do you say that?"

_**Even id I die, leaving you like this**_

_**You will be able to find another love**_

_**But there will be sadness in that love**_

_**Through my lips, I can't tell**_

_**That I'll love you forever**_

_**I've no idea why, why sadness and tears are part of farewell**_

Puck looked up and he saw Kurt. Kurt looking at him with those blue eyes, looking at him with worried eyes and wanting to understand what was happening to the jock. Puck could swear his voice disappeared and that his heart had stopped beating for good. His hands were shacking and if he hadn't covered them, he was sure the soprano would have noticed it.

"W..What are you doing here?" He asked and he saw Kurt sit in front of him, on the bed he usually slept. "I saw Finn leaving and I thought you would be alone...so I came here to make you company. Even thought I'm not the kind of company you usually like." Kurt said with a small smile on his face. Those words affected Puck like a dagger in his heart.

It was his fault the soprano thought like that. It was his fault Kurt thought they wouldn't be good friends at all. "Why were you saying you deserve this?" He asked and Puck looked to those blue eyes and couldn't help but bit his lower lip. He didn't want to answer, but those eyes...those eyes were making him! "Because I do..." Puck said while looking down to his shaking hands. "This is the punishment I deserve for all the shit I did..especially to you!"

Kurt was taken back by those words. He looked to Puck and started at him with a shocked face. "No." He spoke, getting Puck's attention. "I would never wish something like this to you! You're a good person Puck! You have proven that to me more than once! You're a wonderful guy!" _**Then why don't you love me**_? Puck thought, almost screaming inside his head.

_**Stupid Love**_

_**Foolish love**_

_**The end of love is always goodbyes and tears**_

_**I hoped that you would change your mind**_

_**and comeback to my side.**_

_**I will still love you forever**_

_**Please don't ever forget about me**_

_**Even after this tragic love ends,**_

_**I'm waiting for you**_

"You'll walk again! And I'm going to help you!" Puck didn't answered. He just continued looking down to his hands and started fighting with his inner self so he wouldn't start crying again. He wouldn't cry in front of Kurt! He wouldn't! "I'm such a loser..." Puck whispered and the next thing he saw was Kurt kneel in front of him, like the day in the hospital.

He looked to the soprano and felt his soft hands touching his. "you're not...you're not a loser!" Kurt whispered, his grip becoming even tighter on Puck's hands."I am..I can't even have the person I love!" He spoke and he could see Kurt looking at him with a small smile in his lips. "I doubt that. I think any girl would love to be with you."

"I don't want any girl!" Puck didn't even realized he was shouting at that moment. He just was so tired to keep all to himself. The soprano continued staring at him with a confused face but didn't let go. "I want...I want.." He wanted to say. He wanted, he needed to say what was inside his heart and he needed to tell Kurt before it was too late.

But his voice wouldn't come out. His voice wouldn't come out and he swore he was about to panic. "I want you! I love you, I want you...I love you so much I'm almost going insane!" There, he said it. He started grabbing Kurt's hand really tightly, afraid he would run away. There was no turning back but as soon he saw Kurt's reaction, he wished he never said a single word. Kurt looked like he was about to insult him.

But then he saw the younger man get up from the floor and give a couple of steps back, his face pale as the walls. "I...I...I've to...go..." It was like his dreams! Kurt was leaving him..Kurt didn't cared...Kurt never had feelings for him! It was all in his head...all in his head. Why was that happening to him? He confessed...and Kurt didn't said a thing about it. He just ran away...just like in his dreams.

_**Without you in my life,**_

_**I'm useless and nothing**_

_**(I try not to, not to grieve you. You left me alone)**_

_**After the end of a tragic love,**_

_**I would just be crying**_

_**There's no such thing as eternal love**_

_**Goodbye...my love**_


	7. Irreversible

Puck continued looking to the other Glee members outside the house. They had spent the afternoon, just hanging together, enjoy the company, not worrying about Regionals, Nationals or whatever. It was just the perfect time for them to relax. _**They look happy**_. Puck thought to himself as he looked through the window. Finn had come to the room, asking more than once if the jock didn't wanted to join them, but Puck the same thing. He didn't want to see Kurt. He didn't wanted to see the soprano smiling and hanging with Blaine! It was too painful for him.

_**I would just make everyone depressed**_. He thought while moving away from the window and moving his wheel-chair to the small desk that Burt had placed on the room so Puck could do his homework. When he got back to school, he just went to classes and would call the oldest Hummel, almost begging him to come and pick him up. He just didn't want to keep feeling those intense stares on him. Even the Glee club would look at him.

He knew they didn't meant, but they would. Only one person could understand what he was going through and that was Artie. But he didn't wanted to talk about it. It was too painful. And when he heard Rachel say he better learn how to move straight with the chair or else he'll blow the whole performance, he just felt like punching her. At that moment, he thanked god that Finn seemed to be more interested on Sam's mouth or else the fight between the two friends would be inevitable.

But above all, he didn't want to see Kurt. He didn't want to listen to him sing about how much he loved Blaine! He didn't want to hear the girls ask the soprano if he and that midget had done it already it or not! Of course they had! Puck heard. He heard everything and that pained him so much that he almost destroyed the wall so he could stop those two. "I shouldn't have said a thing." Puck whispered and took a deep, long breath.

He regretted. He regretted to much. Why in the world did he confessed to Kurt? He should have known! How could he even think other thing? Was he really expecting the soprano to cry tears of join, jump into his arms and kiss him, confessing that he was in love with him too? Was that really what Puck expected to happen? He and Kurt...they would never be together, no matter what Burt and Finn said. So he had Kurt's dad and stepbrother support. That didn't changed the fact Kurt didn't loved him and never would.

And Kurt's reaction...it told everything the jock needed to know. It told him that they wouldn't even be friends. Or at least close friends. Kurt honestly didn't know what was more painful. Not being able to have Kurt as a boyfriend or not have Kurt at all in his life. But what did that Blaine guy had that he didn't? For god's sake, Puck knew he was way more attractive than that tooth paste commercial guy!

He had a better body, he had more talent that him and he surely loved Kurt more than the Dalton midget! So why couldn't Kurt see it? Why?"Puck? Are you there?" He raised a brow. What was HE doing there? Shouldn't be downstairs? With everyone else? Laughing, singing and probably get drunk since Carole and Burt were away for the week? Shouldn't he be with his date? So what was he doing there? "Where do you want me to be?"

Puck asked, still looking to his empty desk, not even bothering to open the door. Why would he? So he could feel that intense pain in his heart just by looking to those eyes. No, he didn't need that. It was bad enough that they were living together. Puck wanted to go home. To his real home. It wasn't like he wasn't thankful. He was! And he had no idea how he would pay Burt and Carole back for everything they were doing for him, but he wanted to be with sister and mother.

He wanted to be with them so he wouldn't look at Kurt anymore! But he knew how hard it was for his mother. She couldn't find a good house for Puck to live, and the ones she found were incredibly expensive and he knew she couldn't afford them. She and Sarah would visit him often and she would ask him if he needed something or if he was alright. Puck had to admit even like that, he never felt so much love from his mother.

"Can I come in?" Asked the same shacking voice. Puck didn't said a thing at first but he knew he couldn't stay quiet forever. "It's your house." With that, he heard the door open and he continued looking to the empty desk, not saying a single thing, not even making a noise. The only thing that could be heard in that room was the noise coming from outside. He heard Kurt seat on the bed but he still didn't turned. He continued looking to the desk and to the white wall. "What do you want?" Puck asked with a dry voice, hiding how hurt he really was.

The silence was taking over them and all Puck could do was bite his lower lip, not knowing what to do. "...Your mother came here earlier..." The soprano started speaking but the older man just continued looking to the wall. He wouldn't look to Kurt. He wouldn't! No matter how much he wanted, he wouldn't. "She...she brought you this." He heard Kurt getting up and the last thing he knew, the younger man placed a notebook in front of him.

But it wasn't any notebook! It was his notebook! Puck's eyes almost popped. He grabbed his notebook and looked up the the younger man who had a small flush in his cheeks. "You read it?" He asked but Kurt didn't answered. Instead he just continued looking to the jock, not saying a thing, and that, only that made Puck lose it. Why? Why did the younger man did it? He couldn't! He couldn't. "You did!" The jock said almost raising his voice, not even realizing. He turned his chair and continued looking to Kurt. "No...I didn't..."

"Yes you did! You read everything! I can see it in your face!" Puck was trying to hide how embarrassed and mad he was, but he was failing so bad. He couldn't believe Kurt read something that was so personal. The soprano should know best! He should know about not invading someone's privacy! "I swear I didn't!" Kurt tried to convince the older man but he should know best. He was a horrible liar and he also knew that Puck would see it better than anyone.

Kurt honestly didn't know why he did what he did and he had no idea why he was lying. But before he knew it, it was too late to go back and say the truth. "Stop lying Hummel!" The soprano looked to Puck with wide eyes. He hadn't called him like that for so long. But it wasn't something he missed. It wasn't something Kurt wanted to hear again. Not at all. "You read it! You read something that isn't yours!" Puck didn't even know what he should say. He looked to Kurt and then to the notebook and was even more pissed.

"What's the problem? What's the problem of me reading your notebook?" Kurt asked with a whisper and he seat on the bed, so he could look straight into Puck's hazel eyes. He wanted to be able to look right into Puck. He needed to look to Puck. "You still ask? You read it didn't you? So why are you even asking something like that?"

Kurt just continued looking to the older man and started biting his lower lip and didn't know what to say. He was just so nervous. "But I..." Puck stopped him before the younger one could hear even more of his words. "Just stop it!" The jock said, his anger so easy to detect.

Kurt didn't know what to say. He was just so confused. He knew he should have said the truth from the beginning, but no. He didn't, and now Puck was almost fighting with him. "You read it! You're thinking I'm a freak! You're thinking I'm a stalker, you're thinking that I'm the worst thing that appeared on your life! You're thinking that-"

_**You want to leave but I keep holding your leg  
>I hand on to your arm, which pushes me away<br>You can't decide what you want and just humiliate me  
>There's not even a tainted, empty place left<br>Only bad blood if flowing inside my body  
>The short of breath as always,<br>You're walking away so easily**_

Before Puck manage to continue his words he saw the younger man get up and warp his arms around him. Kurt was holding him so tightly that he couldn't even think straight. Why was that happening. If it was a another dream he was surely going to be pissed and would kill the first person in front of him. "I don't think that! I don't think any of it!"

Kurt said, almost shouting and looked to Puck, his hands on Puck's cheeks, making the older man look at him. He needed Puck to look at him so he would believe him"Don't lie...I rather die if you keep lying to me!" Puck said and looked to Kurt who looked like he was about to cry as soon as he heard the word 'die'. Why was the soprano doing that to him? Why was he saying those things?

_**Kill me, or love me  
>One of those two<br>Even if I'm tired, become existed  
>I just keep on begging to you<br>You push me down once more  
>1 second, 2 seconds, 3 seconds, 4 seconds…<br>If this is the way things are, I want to die**_

_**Lie, don't lie, don't lie  
>I hear everything as a lie<br>I get pushed to the edge of the cliff  
>Lie, don't lie, don't lie<br>There's no happy end to this story  
>There's no "I'll just let go of you"<strong>_

"Don't say those things...please. You're not going to die!" Puck just rolled his eyes and looked to the younger man who was almost looking like he was about to cry. No! He wouldn't do that. Puck was the one who should cry, the one who had the right to cry, not Kurt. He was the one who should be looking to hopeless. "Don't! I'm the one who should be acting like that! I'm the one who should be annoyed! I'm the one who should be angry! I'm the one..."

Puck didn't even managed to continue his words because he felt so bad, he felt tears running down his eyes and looked to Kurt, to these blue eyes. "I'm the one...who has the right to cry...I'm the one who has the right to cry...not you!" Kurt started biting his lower lip and didn't said a thing, but the look Puck was giving him, the look he was receiving from the older man was killing him and he didn't know what to do.

"_**Tick tock" the end of the moving needle  
>Is piercing my heart, it's making me cry<br>Why did you turn me into this?  
>Why did you make this irreversible?<br>Everything you say is a lie, a lie**_

_**After I grab and hold onto you  
>To the point where I'm unaware of the pain digging inside me<br>I collapse because I can't even break of get crushed anymore  
>Only black tears are flowing<br>It became a knife that struck my ears  
>You're breath…<br>And the poisonous steps, again…**_

"You shouldn't be here." Puck said while cleaning his tears and looked to the soprano who was taken back by those questions. "You love Blaine. He's your boyfriend, go and be with him." Kurt gave a couple of steps back and looked to the jock who was looking at him, his eyes really red and didn't said a thing. "You can't be with me!" He made a pause and looked to the notebook in his hands. "You're in love with someone else."

Another pause, looking more hopeless than ever. What was Kurt suppose to do? "And look at me? I can't even walk! How can I compete with that guy? He has everything! Money, looks, talent! A future! And what do I have? My legs don't work, I can't sing straight and I don't even think I can even go to college!" He had no idea why he was saying those things, but as soon he realized what was he doing it was too late. "Don't compare yourself to him!"

Kurt whispered and the older man continued glaring at him. "Because I can't win right?" He asked and the younger man shook his head almost desperate. "No. You can't compare him because you're two different people!" He tried to explain but Puck just rolled his eyes again, annoyed. "He can give you a future, I can't! Admit it Kurt! I'm a Lima Loser!"

_**Kill me, or love me  
>There's only one choice<br>Even if I'm crying, yelling, begging, pleading,  
>Once more you just begin walking away<br>1 second, 2 seconds, 3 seconds, 4 seconds  
>I want to die inside of you<strong>_

_**Lie, don't lie, don't lie  
>I hear everything as a lie<br>I get pushed to the edge of the cliff  
>Lie, don't lie, don't lie<br>There's no happy end to this story  
>There's no "I'll just let go of you"<strong>_

"Puck, please stop! I'm here, trying to talk to you!" Kurt said and looked to the older man who was holding his notebook even closer than before. It was like he was holding on his notebook for support. It looked like Puck was afraid he would break down, so that was why he was holding the small notebook. "What do you want to say Kurt? That you don't love me? I already know it, I don't need to hear you say it!"

"_**Tick tock" the end of the moving needle  
>Is piercing my heart, it's making me cry<br>Why did you turn me into this?  
>Why did you make this irreversible?<br>Everything you say is a lie, a lie**_

"_**Tick tock" is the time once more flowing, flowing  
>It's shaking my heart, it's shaking me<br>Your words which run towards the end  
>Make me come to this point<br>Everything you say to me is a lie, lie**_

"If you tell me you love me...I will know it's a lie. I'll know it's all a lie and you're only saying that to make me feel better." Kurt looked to the older and took a deep breath. He didn't want to be annoyed. He didn't want to be rude, and he didn't want to say things he didn't meant. He just acted by impulse. For the first time in his whole life, he acted by impulse and he didn't even knew what he said. His mind went blank.

"I don't feel sorry for you! I adore you!" When he said it, Puck looked at him with wide eyes and the soprano covered his mouth, not believing what he just said. What did he meant by 'I adore you'? What did that meant? Did that meant Kurt...felt the same? Not even Kurt knew what he meant by those words.

He just said them and he didn't even know if he meant them. "I...I've to go..." He spoke. "Don't! Please, don't!" But it was too late. Kurt already left, he was still in complete shock and he didn't know what to do. Puck on other hand...he didn't know if he should feel crushed or if he should smile...Right now...all he wanted was to sleep, because everything seemed unreal and he was ready to give up on everything...everything.


	8. Sign

Kurt started biting his nail and looking to the wall. He didn't even knew why he was looking to the stupid white wall! It was just a stupid thing! It had nothing special and it wasn't that important! So why was he looking to it? It didn't made sense at all.

"Stupid white wall." He whispered and continued staring. Maybe if he kept looking to it, something would happen, something relevant or something important. Why? Why couldn't he stop thinking about Puck's words? Why couldn't he stop thinking about it and why couldn't he just ignore him like he usually would. And why, in the name of Prada, was he being affected by those words? Why couldn't he stop thinking about those words?

Those words even hunted him while he was sleeping. Usually he would fall asleep and dream about Blaine. He would have pleasant dreams about each other and about the future the two would have in New York. But this time he had a dream that involved him and Puck. They were happy, they were together. He was working on his first article for a fashion magazine and Puck was working on his music.

Why? Why in the world was he dreaming about it? He should be dreaming about Blaine! His boyfriend! Not about the guy that bullied him all those years, he shouldn't be dreaming about the guy that made his life a living hell...the guy that apologized for everything, the guy that protected him when he really needed...the guy that confessed to him in a way he knew Blaine never would. What was wrong with him?

Why was he thinking about Puck? He shouldn't! He had to stop thinking about him now! At that exact moment! He would try his best not to look at the jock. It would he hard since they lived together...but he would try. It was the best for both. He would forget about those words and Puck would start realizing they would never have something together."Kurt! It's time to take Puck to physiotherapy!"

Why life was playing such a cruel prank on him, Kurt would never know, but he just couldn't help but curse inside his head. He just promised himself he wouldn't see Puck and now his father made him drive the jock to his physiotherapy! He remembered that his dad reminded him that he had made a promise and like every Hummel, every promise was a commitment! He couldn't go back with his words and say no.

He tried his best not to look to Puck that was right next to him, looking to the window not wanting to face the soprano. It was too embarrassing and heart breaking. Every time Puck looked at Kurt, he would remember what he said and he would remember the lack of reply from the younger man, making him feel even worst. He even asked Finn to drive him to the hospital, but Finn had already plans with Mike and Artie. Puck understood. He couldn't say no to their friends just to drive a cripple to the hospital. He would have asked Burt and Carole, but they were resting from a busy week, and he wouldn't bother them with his problem.

He had to live with it. Kurt would never love him! He had to live with it forever and there was nothing he could do! He just never imagined that Kurt rejecting him would be more painful than Quinn dumping him and telling he wasn't fit to be a dad. He didn't even realized he loved Kurt so much until he was dumped.

Puck looked to the soprano from the corner of his eyes and saw how uncomfortable Kurt was. He could see Kurt was doing his best to remain focused on the road, but he was failing really bad. Never a trip to the hospital took so long. It was painful to be in that car, next to Kurt and not being able to touch his arm, like a couple would do.

The jock took a deep breath and continued looking to the road. "I'm sorry." He whispered, but it was loud enough for Kurt to hear and the soprano could feel his heart almost stop when he heard it. Why was Puck saying that? Why was he sorry?

Why was he panicking about something like that? Why was he ready to stop the car and look to Puck so they could have the right talk, not this one. He was so confused he was ready to scream. "I'm sorry I ruined our friendship. I'm sorry I allowed myself to think your love was more than the love you've for our friends." Puck made a pause, but started talking before the younger man could even open his mouth. "I'm sorry I had dreams about you. I'm sorry I made up a happy life with you in my head. I'm sorry I only found happiness in my fantasies with you! And above all, I'm sorry that I love you this much.

_**Can't breathe, it's a Mayday, dot dot dot dot, Heart hurts**_

_**, it's a Mayday, dot dot dot dot dot**_

_**Time goes Tic toc and flies by Tic Toc.**_

_**Can you hear my Sign, Sign, **_

_**dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot, **_

_**Please just dot dot dot dot dot look at me for one last time**_

_**I once shined but now I am different.**_

_**And I couldn't say anything dot dot dot dot dot**_

Kurt didn't know how to answer, or what he should think when he heard those words. He had the sudden urge to stop the car, but he calmed himself and continued driving, a little slower, trying his best not to hit the car in front of him. "I'm sorry I've these strong feelings for you. I'm sorry I love you more than Blaine."

Hearing that, Kurt stopped the car, almost projecting himself and Puck. He looked to the jock who seemed as surprised as him. He didn't even knew what to say and he didn't even knew why he stopped the car the way he did! It just happened and now he couldn't stop staring at Puck, the words stuck inside his throat.

"How can you say such a thing? How do you know you love me more than Blaine?" Asked the soprano, finally finding his voice and looking to those hazel eyes that always did something to him, he just wasn't sure of what, but he knew that every time he looked to those eyes, he would feel his whole body shacking, his heart stop and his breathing becoming heavier and slower.

Puck looked at the younger man and even thought his old self wanted to grin, wanted to come up with a dirty comment, he didn't. "I know more about you than he will ever know, even if you two grow older together." Kurt could feel his cheeks burn but even like that, he continued looking with a suspicious face at the older man. Puck, with much effort, tried to move a little, so he could look better to Kurt. Who knew such a small movement that everyone did every day became so hard? "Prove it!" The soprano almost demanded and Puck just nodded. He looked down to his hands and then to Kurt.

"I know how much you love to drink coffee as soon you wake up, I know how much you hate people touching your things, I know how much you hate if someone touches your clothes and how much you hate when people can't tell you are putting so much effort in your outfits." Kurt wasn't impressed. Blaine knew all of that.

_**It's me- the one who's crying like a fool**_

_**I'm in the dark room all day and all night and it's not alright**_

_**Why can't you understand my heart**_

_**My heart tightens as time passes**_

_**My Eyes squeezing tears out**_

_**I am scared that this is the end, so please save me.**_

_**Can't breathe, it's a Mayday dot dot dot dot,**_

_**Heart hurts, it's a Mayday dot dot dot dot dot**_

_**Time goes Tic toc and it flies by Tic Toc.**_

_**Can you hear my Sign, Sign, dot dot dot dot dot**_

He knew those things and more. He continued looking at Puck, waiting for something that would blow his mind, that would allow him to believe that the jock indeed knew him better than his current boyfriend, the boyfriend that was, with no doubt, the love of his life...right?

"I know how much you worry about your father's health. I know how much you love Carole, but you'll never admit..." Puck made a pause. He knew that if he didn't started saying what he needed, Kurt would turn his back to him and wouldn't hear him like he was.

He looked straight into Kurt's eyes and couldn't help but give a small smile to the younger one. "I know you cried every single night when your dad was in the hospital...I know you were ready to give up school so you could take care of him full time. I know you wished people noticed you for your talent and not for being gay...I know you hate to be in Dalton and I know that, you're still hurt at Finn for what he called you and you can't look at him in the same way. One day you'll, but now, you can't."

_**I have a lot to say dot dot dot dot dot so please listen**_

_**And don't pretend you don't know about the day **_

_**I've lost everything dot dot dot dot dot**_

_**Do you know how I feel and I've confessed countless times**_

_**And the love sign I gave you. Did you get my sign? sign?**_

_**I need you to get back up. Without you I have worry syndrome.**_

_**Don't neglect me, I want you by my side, side**_

Kurt couldn't even think straight. How did Puck knew all of those things? No one knew, not even his dad! So how was it possible that someone like the jock knew everything with such details? He was sure Puck wasn't the stalker-ish time, but even if he was, it would be impossible for him to know all of that. "Do you know you have 3 smiles?" Puck asked and Kurt continued looking at him, looking even more surprised than before. "I do?"

"Yeah..." Puck made a pause and continued smiling, but not looking to Kurt. "You have one smile when you're uncomfortable with things around you." After a long pause, he continued and he could swear he could hear Kurt's heart beating incredibly fast. "You've another smile that you use when you achieve something, when you sing and everyone loves what you just sang, when people get what you want them to get."

Another pause and Kurt could feel his head almost spinning and he didn't know what to do. "And finally...you've one when you see the people you love. Your face lights up and I can't stop looking!" Puck smiled fondly at the image he had from Kurt smiling like that, but then he realized something. Something that made him look right into the soprano's eyes. "A smile that you never, ever, used while you were with Blaine."

_**Shivering lips and my he**__**art which won't last much**_

_**And I'm too scared that it might stop, so please save me.**_

_**Can't breathe, it's a Mayday, dot dot dot dot,**_

_**Heart hurts, it's a Mayday, dot dot dot dot dot**_

_**Time goes Tic toc and it flies by Tic Toc. **_

_**Can you hear my Sign, Sign, dot dot dot dot dot**_

Puck started biting his lower lip. He knew he shouldn't have said those things. But what could he do? He felt like his heart was demanding him to do such a thing. It was like had to say those things to live. He wanted to live, he didn't want to doe, not anymore. He knew that he almost died with that accident and he knew that people could die of a broken heart. He knew that it was a matter of time for him to die. Death was the only certain thing in his life, but before he did, he had to tell Kurt what he always wanted, what he needed, even if that meant having his hate.

"How can you be so sure I never smiled like that to Blaine? He's my boyfriend! He's the one who's moving to New York with me! He's the one who will live with me for the rest of our lives! You have to unde-" Puck lifted his hand to make the soprano stop talking. He didn't want to hear the plans they had made together.

And he surely didn't want to know that they had already imagined a whole life together. If he could, he would stop it. "You didn't said you love him." Puck said and Kurt's eyes went wide when he heard it. "I don't have to!" The soprano said. He didn't! He didn't had to tell Puck if he loved Blaine or not. He was the only one who needed to know or be sure.

_**Your memories within me and I hold my breath and endure it.**_

_**Please, you know I will crumble without you**_

_**Can't breathe, it's a Mayday, dot dot dot dot,**_

_**Heart hurts it's a Mayday, dot dot dot dot dot**_

_**Time goes Tic toc and it flies by Tic Toc.**_

_**Can you hear my Sign, Sign, dot dot dot dot dot (Please)**_

"STOP LYING TO YOURSELF!" Puck almost shouted and Kurt looked at him, rather scared. Puck, in all of those years never raised his voice. Never! He always spoke with such a controlled tone, even when he was pissed with people around him. "Stop it! I can't stand it anymore Kurt! I hate to see you lying to yourself every fucking day!"

Kurt was more confused than ever, but continued listening. "You don't love him! You force yourself to love him because you want to be loved!" Puck was so frustrated. He found the courage he needed, and he would say everything he had to say, and if not, he would rather die right there, because staying quiet was the same thing as being dead! He realized his accident was his opening call. If he didn't do something, it would be to late. It was like his sign.

_**Can't breathe, it's a Mayday, dot dot dot dot, **_

_**Heart hurts it's a Mayday, dot dot dot dot dot**_

_**Time goes Tic toc and it flies by Tic Toc. **_

_**Can you hear my Sign, Sign, dot dot dot dot dot**_

"You started dating because of a dead bird! What kind of relationship is that?" Puck asked and Kurt continued biting his lips, not sure if he should answer or stay quiet and listen to everything the older man was saying. "And he's so freaking perfect that makes me want to throw up! And I'm pretty sure that his smile isn't normal!"

What else could he say and sound nice? Because the conversation was going places he knew Kurt wouldn't like at all, and he was sure the soprano would have the guts to leave him all alone in the middle of no where without his wheel-chair. "He's fascinated about you since you're the second gay guy in Lima, so he isn't alone. But I'm pretty sure as soon Finn comes out of the closet he'll dump you and will run after your step-brother as a little bitch in heat!"

Kurt was speechless. What was he suppose to say after hearing those things? Was there anything he was suppose to say? "And I can see you don't love him! You just don't want to be alone, you don't want to be bashed alone, you don't want to be slushied alone..."

He stopped talking and grabbed Kurt's hands that were cold as ice, which was really weird since it was hot as hell inside that car. "You don't have to be alone...I'll be with you...When you get worried about your father, I'll be with you when you want to insult Berry, I'll be with you when you get slushied...I'll be with you when the jocks insult you...I will be with you every time you want to feel loved." Kurt could feel tears running down his cheeks but he said no word. He just stood there looking at Puck who was staring with worried eyes. Worried eyes full of love. "Why?" Kurt asked and Puck looked at him confused. "Why did you have to come...and twist my simple, perfect little life?"


	9. Lonely

Puck continued reading his book. Yes, Noah Puckerman was reading a book and he was enjoying it very much. Even Finn was surprised when he saw his best friend actually reading instead of playing video games or watching some TV show or even watching porn. It was like Puck changed completely. But the jock didn't really cared about what Finn was thinking. He was liking that book and he was sure he was only liking the book because it resembled his life so much.

He continued paying attention to the book and hearing the rain outside. He was so tired...his physiotherapy had been killing him and he was sure that no matter how many times he went there, he couldn't feel the results. His doctor said that he should start swimming, to help his muscles, but he just ignored and decided not to.

"Son, can I come in?" It was Burt. No matter how much time he spent around the older Hummel, he still felt intimidated and was sure one of those days he would have an heart attack and he didn't even knew why! Burt liked him! He treated him like Puck was his own son and was always there for him. So the jock had no idea why he was still feeling like that.

"S..Sure!" He said and he saw Burt entering the room with a small smile and closed the door behind him. The jock closed his book and placed it next to him, on the bed. Thankfully Finn was going to spend the weekend with Sam, so Puck had the room just to himself thankfully!

The older man seat on the bed and looked to Puck. "How are things in school?" He asked and Puck just continued staring to his hands. "It's fine...except for the part everyone looks at me like I'm a freak!" Puck made a pause and looked to the older man. "And I thought being on Glee was bad." Another pause. "Students look at me and I'm sure they think I deserve this."

Burt didn't know what to say. He and Puck had had this conversation before and he told the jock that no matter what people said he had to remember he was stronger than them in so many ways they couldn't even imagine. And it was true. Burt knew it. Puck was stronger than many people, and he was sure not even the jock knew it.

"Have you talked with Kurt?" Burt asked and he could see the jock's cheeks burn a little when he heard the name of his son. He couldn't help but smirk. He did enjoyed teasing the younger man about the feelings he had. Puck gave a dry laugh and looked to the older man. "Oh yeah...and I'm pretty sure he swore to himself he would never talk to me ever again."

Burt raised a brow and couldn't help but wonder what the younger man meant by it. Puck noticed and just gave a hopeless smile to the older Hummel. "I said what he and Blaine had was a fake...I still believe my words, but I don't think he was very happy to listen to it."

Burt nodded and then took a deep breath, and looked to the younger man. "I shouldn't say this, it's rather weird, and I really shouldn't talk about my son's love life but if you don't do something to make those two break up, we'll have serious problems!" Puck couldn't help but feel rather scared when he heard those words.

He knew Burt supported him and supported the idea of Blaine and Kurt break up. Honestly, in that house, the only one who seemed to like Blaine was Carole, but then again, she liked everyone who was nice and caring to Kurt or Finn., so Puck couldn't really use her as a good example. "he's downstairs you know...I know they wouldn't try to do anything while I'm here...but I really want my son away from that guy! He isn't happy with that midget, I can see it."

The jock nodded and couldn't help but smile a little. He still remembered the day he and Kurt had talked inside the Navigator. It was the last time they talked until Kurt went back to Dalton. It was so painful for Puck. He wanted to talk to Kurt. He wanted to say even more things about how much he loved the younger man and what he loved about him, but no.

As soon as Kurt was back, he just drove him to the hospital but with Blaine next to them. It was like the soprano didn't want to be alone with Puck at all. "Mr...Burt, can you do me a favor?" Asked Puck and the older Hummel looked at him with a raised a brow, but couldn't help but listen to the jock.

"Kurt, are you listening to me?" The soprano looked to his side and couldn't help but bite his lower lip. He didn't listened to a word his boyfriend was saying. His mind was miles away, thinking about a certain jock and about the talk they had together. He didn't want to keep thinking about the jock or his words, but he just couldn't help it. And above all, he couldn't believe he was really starting to get bored with Blaine's words! That never happened, that never happened and he didn't know why.

He would usually listen to him with such an attention, but now, he just didn't cared Dalton, he didn't cared about the Warblers and he didn't cared about the song choices. "I'm sorry..I was just spacing out." Kurt said with a small smile but Blaine continued looking to him with a raised brow. "You've been doing that a lot lately...something wrong?" He asked, concerned that maybe Kurt was getting sick or was getting worried about something, maybe his dad, or something like that.

There had to be something wrong with Kurt. He was with the man he loved, right? He had to be paying attention to everything he was saying, but instead, he was feeling completely lonely and every time he looked into Blaine's eyes, he couldn't feel a thing. He just felt an incredible unhappiness and a void. He couldn't feel happy.

He tried, but he just couldn't. He looked to those eyes that gave him so much happiness before, and now, the only thing he could feel was how much he wanted to be away from Blaine and his mind would go straight to Puck. What was wrong with him? Why was he thinking about the jock so he could be with Blaine and bare to look at him? He was such a sweet guy, so kind, always caring about how Kurt was feeling, what he needed...but the only thing Kurt could feel was how lonely he was.

_**The words I'm saying right now, I don't know if they'll hurt you  
>They'll probably make you hate me forever<br>You, saying that I'm not the same as I used to be, is not completely untrue  
>This changed me is a stranger to myself as well<br>You are so kind but  
>That's the way you are but oh<strong>_

_**I don't know I don't know  
>Why I am like this<br>We were so in love, and you're here now but oh  
>I don't know<br>I want to find myself now**_

Blaine gave another shining smile, like he always did and Kurt just forced a small smile and couldn't help but feel his insides twist as he did it. He continued looking to the wolder man and tried his best to keep listening to his words."As I was saying, I think, as soon we move to New York we should " Kurt continued looking to his boyfriend and before he knew it, before he could control it, he opened his mouth and the words came out of his mouth. "Let's break up."

He didn't even noticed the words coming out, but as soon he saw Blaine's reaction, he realized what he did. But he wasn't feeling a thing. He wasn't feeling bad at all. He wasn't feeling sad, he wasn't feeling his world break as he always thought it would if Blaine left him. He didn't felt remorses at all. He just continued looking at the older one with a blank expression and didn't said a word at all. He just saw Blaine blink a little and continued looking to Kurt, but then a small smile crossed his face. "Oh, you caught me there Kurt...Funny."

_**Baby I'm sorry, even when I'm with you, I'm Lonely  
>I must be lacking when it comes to love, please forgive this person horrible person I am<br>I'm sorry, this is your and my story  
>I must not be worthy of this thing called love, even though I'm by your side<br>Baby I'm so lonely lonely lonely lonely lonely  
>Baby I'm so lonely lonely lonely lonely lonely<br>Baby I'm so lonely lonely lonely lonely lonely  
>Baby I'm so lonely lonely lonely lonely lonely<strong>_

"...I'm not joking." Blaine lost his smile and Kurt continued looking at him and he didn't know what else to say. All he could say was that he didn't want to be with him anymore. He couldn't be with Blaine, he couldn't even look at him anymore...and he had no idea why. It was just painful to look at those hopefull eyes and not be able to correspond to that affection. "...Why? Did I did something wrong? I can make up to it!"

Blaine's voice was cracking, he grabbed Kurt's hands desperatly, but the only thing Kurt did was pull away and get up from the couch. "You didn't do anything wrong. On the contrary." Blaine got up as well and continued looking desperate to the younger man, his voice cracking even more and he didn't know what to say. Why was Kurt doing that to him? Weren't they the perfect couple? Didn't everyone loved to see them together? "Then...why do you want to break up?"

_**You didn't do anything wrong, I'm the strange one  
>It seems I've already been prepared long ago, for our breakup<br>I really wanted to treat you well, out of all the times, why is it when I'm confronted by love  
>I am shrinking away &amp; am lonely endlessly<br>You are so kind but  
>That's the way you are but oh<br>I don't know I don't know  
>Why I am like this<br>We were so in love, and you're here now but oh  
>I don't know<br>I want to find myself now**_

Kurt took a long breath and didn't know how to answer that. Instead he just looked to Blaine and he knew he had to be honest. He really had to be honest before he regret it. "You didn't do anything wrong...I just don't...love you anymore." He knew that his words were being cold and he knew they were going to hurt Blaine, but he was thought to say the truth and he couldn't keep lying to himself any longer.

"But...yesterday you say loved me! How can you say you don't love me anymore?" Blaine asked, his voice becoming higher and Kurt was sure Puck and his father were listening to everything and if they were, they were paying attention to every single thing. "I was lying...I'm sorry Blaine but...I can't do this anymore..." Kurt looked down to the floor, not being able to look to the older man anymore. He couldn't look at those eyes. They were so hurt, full of betrayl and Kurt couldn't look at him any longer. "Please leave! I can't...I just can't."

_**Baby I'm sorry, even when I'm with you, I'm Lonely  
>I must be lacking when it comes to love, please forgive this person horrible person I am<br>I'm sorry, this is your and my story  
>I must not be worthy of this thing called love, even though I'm by your side<br>Baby I'm so lonely lonely lonely lonely lonely  
>Baby I'm so lonely lonely lonely lonely lonely<br>Baby I'm so lonely lonely lonely lonely lonely  
>Baby I'm so lonely lonely lonely lonely lonely<strong>_

Blaine didn't said a thing. He just grabbed his things and left, not saying a word to Kurt. He just continued looking like his whole world had collapsed on his shoulders and right now, he couldn't look to the soprano or something bad would happen, something he wouldn't be responsible for. "why can't I cry?" Kurt asked himself. He should be feeling something shouldn't he? He should be feeling broken, he should be feeling remorse, he should go after Blaine, beg him for forgiveness and beg him to take him back. Why couldn't he feel at all?

He was so distracted he couldn't even notice his father walking towards him. "Are you alright?" He heard Burt ask, concerned, but instead of answering, Kurt left the living room and starting going upstairs, almost running. He didn't even knew why, it was like his body was taking over him. Why wasn't his body doing the same thing, but instead of going upstairs, why wasn't he going after Blaine? Why couldn't he?

_**Cuz I'm just another guy  
>This night is lonely, I<br>Can't take any more, Good guy  
>Cuz I'm just another girl<br>I'm so lonely  
>Even though I'm by your side right now<br>Baby I'm so lonely  
>Lonely lonely lonely lonely<br>Baby I'm so lonely lonely lonely lonely lonely  
>Baby I'm so lonely lonely lonely lonely lonely<br>Baby I'm so lonely lonely lonely**_

He opened the room door so hard he was sure he was going to break it. "WHAT THE HELL HUMMEL?" Puck asked, almost shouting. He was getting ready to sleep, and for that, he had to change clothes. He could have his legs paralyzed, but he still could get dressed alone, with no help, and right now, he was naked as the day he was born.

In a normal day, he wouldn't mind to have Kurt opening the door and see him naked. On the contrary, but right now, he felt really uncomfortable, especially since he was seat on the bed and couldn't move to cover himself. He just grabbed the shirt and covered what he could.

He looked straight into Kurt's eyes and saw his face. He was pale, his eyes shinning, like he was about to cry. "What happened?" He asked, forgetting he was naked, using his shirt to cover himself. He saw Kurt closing the door behind him and he walked towards the bed, making Puck's heart almost jump. "Why?" The younger man asked as he seat next to Puck, ignoring the fact he was completely naked.

"Why what?" The jock asked and looked to Kurt who looked like he was going to cry at any moment. "Why can't I feel a thing?" Puck continued looking to the younger man rather confused but didn't said a word. He wanted to hear everything Kurt had to say. "Why can't I feel bad for hurting Blaine? Why can't I cry for breaking up with him?"

The jock's eyes almost popped when he heard those words. Those words that he wanted to hear for so long. He couldn't even believe it was real. Now he was sure he was dreaming, but if he was, he refused to wake up! This was too good, too perfect to wake up.

He felt the younger man press his forehead on his bare shoulder and not thinking twice, with his right hand, he started caressing Kurt's head. "I should be crying...I should be feeling broken, I should be feeling like my world ended...But I don't feel a thing." Kurt whispered, his eyes closed as the same time his fingers started playing with his shirt. Puck didn't said a thing, he just continued listening and enjoying the fact the soprano was there, saying he had broken up with that stupid midget.

"You broke me..." Kurt whispered as he continued with a heavy breathing and his eyes closed. Puck couldn't help but smirk as he heard that. He knew what Kurt meant but that, but it didn't mattered. He just wanted to be with the younger man. "I was fine, but you broke me..." Kurt whispered and Puck didn't know if he should smile or not. Maybe it wasn't the best time for it? "I did?"

He asked and he felt Kurt nod. "You did...if you hadn't said those things...it broke me..." Kurt grabbed the sheets and covered himself and Puck and allowed his body to rest on the bed, while Puck continued set on the bed. "You've to fix me."

Kurt said, not even realizing his words had millions of conclusions. With much effort, Puck seat on the bed as well. He knew Kurt wouldn't help him, and he was thankful for it. He had to figure things out for himself. He couldn't depend on people's help. He had to do things alone! And it seemed only Kurt knew that.

"And how am I suppose to do that?" Asked Puck while looking straight into those blue eyes. Those blue polls he loved so much. "You've to help me..." Kurt whispered has he pressed his forehead against Puck's. Both stood looking to each other and Puck could feel his breath becoming heavier, and he didn't know what to do. It was too good to be true. "Help you? On what?" He asked and tried not to look too anxious. "I don't want to feel lonely anymore...and you've to help me figure out once and for all, what I feel for you."


	10. Because it's Me

"You what?" Asked Puck and looked to the younger man and didn't know how to process what the soprano just said. It was like his mind what blank when he heard those words. Was Kurt serious or was he playing with his head. If he was, that wouldn't surprise Puck at all, but if he wasn't, Puck knew he was about to fall from his wheel-chair, and that was something that he knew it would be extremely hard. "Why are you looking at me like I grew another head?"

Kurt asked as he continued looking through his clothes, deciding what would be the best outfit for him to wear later that day. Puck continued with his mouth open and couldn't even think. "I just asked my dad to take me from Dalton and go back to McKinley." Puck continued looking to Kurt and still didn't understood a thing that was happening. It was like he was in other dimension or probably on Twilight zone, that was making everything weird. Kurt would never leave that rich kid school for something like McKinley! Not on his right mind at least.

Not that he minded Kurt going back. That was something the jock wanted really bad, but he was sure that would only happen on his dreams, not in reality! He saw Kurt turning his attention to him and sit next to him."Why?" Puck asked. "I can't be in the same school as Blaine. He looks at me like I'm the worst thing on earth, and because of it, the Warblers do it too." Kurt said and he saw the look Puck was giving him. He knew why the older man was looking like a little lost puppy, showing how his eyes were waiting for him to say something. "And I can't leave you alone with the cheerios can't I?"

Puck tried his best not to show how excited he got when he heard those words, so he just continued looking to the younger man and noticed he was grabbing his wheel-chair and pulling him closer. The jock looked at Kurt and he saw the soprano smiling at him. It was a small smile, but it said more than Puck needed to know. "If you're saying that just to make me happy, you're doing it pretty well." Kurt continued smiling and then allowed his hands to rest on Puck's legs.

Both didn't said a word after that. They just continued enjoying each other company. But then curiosity took over Kurt, like it always did. He looked to the older man and started biting his lower lip, not sure of how he should ask it. Puck noticed it and gave a small smile. "You can ask whatever you want." Kurt couldn't hide how relieved he got when he heard those words. He just smiled and nodded. He looked down to his hands and took a quick look at Puck's legs. "How..How is physiotherapy going?" He asked and the older man was taken back with that question.

He wasn't expecting such a question, but he knew sooner or later he would have to answer it. "Normal I think." He answered but Kurt didn't liked that answer at all. "Normal? Puck...I don't want to know that. I want to know if you're making progresses or not!" Kurt said, he didn't even knew why he got so stressed about such a thing like that. Puck continued looking to the younger man and then he started biting his lower lip. "He said if I keep acting the way I do, I won't ever walk." Puck answered honestly and he could see Kurt was ready to jump to him and kill him. Why was he being like that? Physiotherapy was his only chance to walk again, and he wasn't getting the best of it.

"You want me to walk again?" Puck asked, but he already knew the answer. Kurt looked at him with helpless eyes and tried to force a smile. "Of course I want! I want you to walk again, I want you to be the same old Puck, the one that would talk about his guns all the time." He made a pause and looked right into the jock's eyes. "I want to see you play football again...And I want you to take me on a date."

Those last words impressed Puck, to say the least. He knew he and Kurt were taking things incredibly slow, the two of them were just friends for the time being. The soprano had to understand what kind of feelings he had for Puck, and the jock didn't pressured him any way. He was happy to have Kurt next to him all the time, instead of having to share his attention with that hobbit. "I can still take you on dates...even like this." Puck assured him and Kurt just smiled a little. "I know..but I want the whole thing. I want you to drive me there, I want you to open the car door for me...I want the end the night with us dancing under the moonlight..."

The jock couldn't help but realize how romantic the soprano was. He always thought the girls were exaggerating about how Kurt liked to make a small movie in his head, picturing everything perfect, but it seemed it was more than real and Puck couldn't help but think it was rather cute and adorable. Deep down, Kurt was still a child who wanted to feel love from his friends, and not only from his dad. And Puck was more than willing to love him the way he wanted.

"You are such a dreamer." Kurt smiled when he heard those words and nodded. He knew it better than anyone. "Can you make my dreams come true?" He asked and Puck couldn't help but smile brightly when he heard it. It was exactly what he wanted to hear. "You know it Princess." It wasn't the first time he called Kurt that, but now it felt different. He didn't know why, but it felt different, it had another meaning, and both knew it. "Don't call me that." Both smiled to each other and didn't said anything else.

This was, until Finn entered the room without knocking, just like he always did. "I hope you're decent Kurt an..." He looked to his best friend and step brother for a while. He continued looking at them and then a gigantic grin crossed his lips and he couldn't help but let a small shout leave his lips. "YES!" Was the only thing he said, making Kurt really confused and Puck just rolled his eyes. He didn't want to hear this, at least not now. "I knew it! I knew you two would end up together. It was a matter of time!"

Kurt looked at his step brother and didn't understood what he meant. He looked to Puck but the jock just told him to ignore the current state of mind from Finn. They couldn't understand why the taller man was behaving like a fan-girl. Maybe he was spending too much time with Rachel? "So, when did you two started dating?" He asked but Kurt just raised a brow and looked at him. "I'm sorry to crush your inner party...but we aren't dating." Finn stopped smiling and looked to his best friend who just nodded.

"What? Why?" He asked and the soprano took a deep breath. Why did he had to explain everything to his step brother? "Because I'm still figuring out what me and Puck have." he made a pause and looked to his step-brother one last time. "Now if you don't mind, please leave!" Not even allowing Finn to talk, Kurt pushed him outside and closed the door behind the taller man. Puck couldn't hide the small smile and just continued looking at him. Kurt raised a brow, not understanding why the older man was staring at him in that way.

_**I love you, although you're not by my side at the moment  
>Because you're here, my world is filled with happiness<br>Don't ever forget, wherever you are  
>Please remember my love<strong>_

"Why are you smiling like that?" Puck just continued smiling and grabbed Kurt's hand and pulled him down, making the soprano sit on his lap. The soprano tried to fight back, but when he felt those strong arms around him, he just allowed himself to relax and look to the older man. "You look cute when you're flushed." Puck answered and Kurt could feel his cheeks burn and he didn't know how to react to such words. "I don't flush."

The soprano said but Puck just nodded and continued looking to the younger man. He couldn't help but keep smiling and seeing how Kurt's blush got even bigger and he didn't said a word about anything. He could keep staring to the younger man the whole day, see him flush, and he wouldn't get bored at all. "You're my world..." Puck didn't even realized what he just said. He didn't payed attention to what he said, not even when Kurt's eyes went wide and when he tried to get up.

"Why did you just said that?" The soprano asked and looked to jock who didn't know what Kurt meant by it. "What?" He asked and the smaller man just looked at him, with those blue eyes, those blue eyes that could make Puck do things he normally wouldn't do. "Those things...that I'm your world and things like that."

_**I love you, I love you  
>Because of you, I'm like this<br>Because of you I cry these tears  
>Although I may never see you again<br>I'll be alright  
>Because I love you<strong>_

"Why not? You know how I feel." Puck didn't understood what was happening, but now, he wanted to make things clear. Every time he said a thing like that, Kurt would ask him not to and then would act like the jock hadn't said a thing at all. "I know, but...I'm still not used to it." He made a pause and got up from Puck's lap. "What you think I should wear before Mercedes comes here?" Kurt said as he started looking through his clothes, not looking to Puck, trying to make the subject disappear like always, but this time, Puck would have his way. He wouldn't allow this to end right there. "Why are you trying to change the subject?

He asked and he moved a little closer to the younger man. Kurt just ignored his words and continued touching his clothes, ignoring that was someone behind him. "Are you going to let me talk alone?" Puck hated to be ignored, and if that person ignoring him was Kurt, it made everything even worst. "Why every time I talk about my feelings about you, you get mood swings and you pretend I didn't said a thing and that I just asked you what color is the sky?"

Puck wanted an answer, and he wanted an answer now, before he lost it. He looked to the soprano and saw him turn his body so now, they could be facing each other. "It's not true." Kurt said, looking down to his hands. "Yes it is, and you know it!" Puck didn't want to sound mean, but he knew he did.

_**The familiar road we used to walk on everyday  
>Feels strange to me once again, even today<br>Although so many things have changed while you were gone  
>Only my love remains the same<strong>_

"You should be the one wanting to talk about feelings, not me! You should be the one wanting to understand what is this we have!" The jock said and looed to Kurt, his arms crossing in front of his chest, waiting, almost demanding an answer. He had to know what was happening between the two because right now, he was starting to lose his temper, and Kurt knew, better than anyone, he didn't wasn't nice at all.

"We have to figure this out! YOU have to figure it out. Because honestly Kurt, i don't mind waiting, but I just want to wait for someone that I know that will love me like I want, instead of someone that doesn't love me at all!"Kurt started biting his lower lip but didn't said a thing. He was a little scared to know what he wanted, but he knew if Puck didn't got an answer, he would freak out and would probably insult him in a way man kind as never seen.

Puck was capable of it, and Kurt really, really didn't wanted to see or hear it. "Please Puck...don't do this." Kurt said but the only thing the older man did was glare at him. "See? You even call me Puck! Not Noah!" The soprano continued looking at him in confusion. "I call you Kurt...I show how much I love you, even thought I can't move my legs. I try to make you smile, even when I say those stupid lame jokes...but you...you just ignore and you pretend we're just friends..."

His hands were shacking and he was trying his best to remain calm. "I know I'm probably soffucating you with my feelings but...I love you." Puck said and Kurt could feel his heart stop when he heard those words. It wasn't like Puck was doing what he was saying. On the contrary. He was being wondeeful about everything! The only problem was...Kurt. He knew he was being the problem there, and he didn't even knew why.

_**I love you, I love you  
>Because of you, I'm like this<br>Because of you I cry these tears  
>Although I may never see you again<br>I'll be alright  
>Because I love you<strong>_

_**I'm sorry, I'm sorry  
>Because of me, you must've been tired<br>Because of me, you must've hurt like a fool  
>I think I know now, the person my heart wants<br>It's you**_

_**I love you forever**_

"I just time P...Noah." He said, and he had to admit, saying Puck's name like that felt incredibly right and he liked it very much. "It's because it's me right. It's because of me." Puck said while looking down to his hands but Kurt seat next to him, and forced the older one to look up to him. Both exchanged an intense look, that spoke louder than millions of words, and Kurt couldn't help but shiver as that happened. "It's because of who I am, right?"

He asked and the soprano started saying no with his head. "No!" He stopped talking and then he took a deep breath. "I'm scared because you're...too good for me!" Puck raised a brow and didn't understood that at all, but he allowed the young explain the whole thing. "You're...the man of my dreams. You are caring, you make me laugh, you protect me, you make me forget about the bad things in the world...and you truly love me!"

He said and couldn't help but blush while he said it and smile a little. "It still doesn't explain a thing." Puck was almost losing his patience. Why couldn't this be a dream? It would be easier since the jock was pretty sure the soprano was going to "...I'm scared of ruining everything...I'm scared that I'll do the smallest thing wrong and that thing..." He paused and looked to those hazel eyes. "I'm scared I'll lose you and I won't be able to win you back."


	11. The Story Only I Didn't Know

"One day, you'll kill your doctor from frustration." Spoke Kurt while walking the halls of McKinley with Puck, who couldn't help but grin. He didn't liked the wheel-chair, but he had to say, it was a perfect excuse to have Kurt next to him without people gossiping behind their back. They probably thought the jock had threatened Kurt as soon he was back to the school so now he had to do it. "He tries to be nice with you, but I can see he's ready to kill you."

Kurt continued talking, but the only thing Puck could hear, between the lines, were things like 'I'm worried about you.' or 'you should be to other people like when you're with me.' but he just continued quiet and continued listening to the soprano's words, not saying a single word at all. He just stood there, avoiding people's eyes and smiling a little. "You should be proud of me! I'm progressing!" He answered and the younger man just rolled his eyes and continued walking, pushing Puck to the choir room, where they would have their next Glee meeting. "I've no idea how you're improving. You're so damn stubborn. You never do what he tells you to."

"No. I do what you tell me to." Puck looked up and Kurt just rolled his eyes. It was true. He would just do the exercises he needed to if Kurt told him to, not the doctor. He frustrated almost every single doctor and nurse there, some even gave up on him, because he was behaving like a spoiled kid who would do everything he wanted and wouldn't obey rules. But then again, that was Puck and people had to deal with it. Both stood in complete silence and when they entered the choir room, they noticed no one was there. It was weird, because at that hour, all Glee members were suppose to be there. Kurt raised a brow and took the seat next to Puck, like always.

Both were looking around, and couldn't hide how surprised they were. "Why is no one here?" Puck asked, not even noticing Kurt taking his cell phone. He wasn't used to see the choir room so deserted. Usually Rachel was there, marking her territory and annoying Finn, saying they should move together to New York. Puck was sure Finn, deep down, was wishing she would shut up at least for 2 minutes. "Mercedes says she doesn't know why the others aren't here." Kurt said, while reading the text his best friend just sent him. Puck looked to him and couldn't help but smirk. "Where is she then?" He asked and he could see Kurt smirking as well. "I think she and Sam are having one of those deep talks again."

"Poor Finn." Both started laughing, imagining how it would be if Finn did liked Sam and now was rejected. They always found the relation between those two rather strange, but now that the blond one was dating Mercedes, they didn't know what to think about Finn. Both looked to each other and smiled. It was a small, shy smile, at least from Kurt. The older man grabbed his hand and stood like that for a while, just a little while. "My mother called me yesterday."

Puck said and Kurt looked at him, not knowing where that conversation was going. "Really? How is she? How's Sarah?" The younger asked. He really liked Puck's family and enjoyed having them around. Sarah was just like the little sister he never had and wished he did. "She's fine...actually she's very happy." Puck was saying those words, but didn't looked happy at all. Instead he looked sad, not matching his own speech at all. "Really? Why is that?" Asked Kurt with the same smile, wanting to make Puck smile back.

"She found a house for us...a house where I can live while I'm still in this chair." Kurt lost his smile as soon those words came out of Puck's lips. He looked to him and tried his best not to look disappointed. He knew Puck's place was next to his family, next to his mother and sister, next to the people that would give him strength to keep going with his physiotherapy, but the soprano couldn't hide how disappointed he was. He was enjoying having Puck next to him all the time. See him on the breakfast table as he woke up and talk to him before he went to bed to sleep.

He was getting very used to it, and what he found weird was the fact his father didn't said much about how close they were. He didn't know why, but it was really weird for his father to be acting like that. "Oh, but that's wonderful!" He spoke with a forced smile and Puck noticed it right away. When it came to lying, Kurt was probably the worst on that school. "It is, isn't it? I can finally stop bothering your family and be with mine." Kurt just nodded and Puck didn't know why, but he started smiling. He held the younger man's hand a little tighter and pulled him closer.

"I know you'll miss my guns." He teased and he saw an honest smile cross the younger man's face. They just smiled to each other. It wasn't like they wouldn't see each other ever again. It was just that Puck would change houses. Nothing else. "You'll come and visit me right? Like a good boyfriend?" He asked and he could see the younger man was taken back with that question, but he didn't went back with his words. He wanted to know what Kurt was going to say about it. "Only if you let me decorate your room." Kurt said, his voice rather bossy."I'll think about it."

They didn't said anything else. They just continued enjoying each other company while waiting for the others who looked like they had been abducted by aliens. "I want to go home..." Puck whispered to himself, feeling incredibly tired for no reason. He noticed Kurt didn't heard him since the girls had just entered the room, so he knew the soprano's attention would be on them for the time being. He just ignored and continued feeling that heavy weight on him, and he didn't even knew why. Moments ago he was fine, talking with Kurt, but now he was feeling weak, defenseless, and he didn't know why, but his hands started shacking.

It was like something bad was about to happen and he was sensing it. He just didn't know what. And what could it be? Everything was going so well. He was already feeling something on his legs, he and Kurt were developing, very slowly, a relationship, and he was going to be able to be with his family again. So what could possibly go bad? Was possible that something would happen to him? No, it couldn't be. Everything was going perfect! Nothing could happen. Life was good. He stopped having those real dreams! He stopped having those fantasies. He and Kurt were together now! He and Kurt were going to be happy together. Both would end school, they would go to college in New York and would be happy there. Forever. That was real! That wasn't something he was dreaming about. It wasn't, right?

"Class, I've something to tell you all!" He heard Mr. Schue say. He didn't even noticed their teacher entering the room. He started paying attention to everything he was saying, ignoring why his whole body was shacking and why he was sweating. "We've a new member!" He said happy. Who could it be? Puck knew no person would join glee now. It was social suicide, so who in the world was going to do it? "I think you know him Kurt." All eyes were on Kurt, and the soprano didn't even knew why. Puck looked to the door and he saw a very familiar face enter the choir room. He started feeling his blood boil as soon he saw the person smile brightly and give a couple of intense stares to Kurt.

How dared he? "Guys, Blaine transferred to our school, and he'll be with us from now on. Please let him feel welcome!" Puck was about to say some profanities, but instead, he saw Kurt getting up and what he saw broke his heart. He saw Kurt, his Kurt, almost running towards that midget and hug him so tightly, with so much love. "I missed you so much!" He heard the soprano say. No, that couldn't be happening. They were just acting like a couple moments ago, so why was this happening now? No, this couldn't be real. It couldn't. "I'll never break up with you again! I swear." He looked around and he saw that all Glee members were looking at the scene in front of them with blank expressions, even Finn! What was happening?

_**You really did forget everything, seeing the way you're happily greeting me.**_

_**Only then did I vaguely start to feel the pain, the would that had yet to become visible on my skin.**_

_**The tears would not come.**_

_**Since this farewell didn't seem significant, since if felt so inconsequential...**_

_**A pleasant goodbye, ultimately, no such thing can exist.**_

_**If I had known, I would have cried it all out then.**_

_**At that time, the fact that I was already a part of your ending, was a story only I didn't know.**_

"What's happening here?" Puck asked, his voice cracking, but Kurt wouldn't even look at him. He was lost in Blaine's eyes, and that was the most painful thing in the world. Puck was ready to cry, but then he felt a strong grip on his shoulder. He looked to his left side, and he could swear he was going to stop breathing when he saw who was. "...Dad?" He couldn't believe it. His dad, the man that left him and his family, was there, looking exactly has the day he left. It was like the years didn't passed by him. Puck couldn't find the words. He just looked to his father and saw his eyes looking straight to him. "What are you doing here? What's happening?" Puck asked and then he saw his father giving him an evil grin, that grin he always gave when something bad was about to happen. The jock would never forget it. Never. "You'll lose him if you don't move." He heard his father say with that deep voice of his. Puck's eyes opened widely but he didn't said a thing. "Time to wake up"

"NO!" Puck jumped from his chair, and all eyes were on him. He was sweating, his hands shacking and he looked lost. His teacher and the rest of the students looked at him surprised, not expecting something like that, not even from Noah Puckerman. Finn was looking at him with wide eyes and couldn't hide how confused he was. _**Puck was so confused. I can walk! My legs...I can feel them!**_ He looked around and he didn't saw any wheel-chair there. What was happening there? But then his teacher crossed her arms and glared at him. "Well, it seems Mr. Puckerman doesn't agree that slavery was one of the worst things in the world." Puck could feel his cheeks burn and he just managed to apologize and seat back on his chair.

_**So, it wasn't love, it was just a moment you spent by my side.**_

_**Now I'm vaguely beginning to understand why all you could do was apologize.**_

_**I must have been too excited.**_

_**The very moment you left me, I was expecting you to come back again.**_

_**How foolish could I have been?**_

_**A pleasant goodbye, ultimately, no such thing can exist.**_

_**If I had known, I would have cried it all out then.**_

_**At that time, the fact that I was already a part of your ending, was a story only I didn't know**_

He heard some students laugh but the only thing he could do was look to his desk and nothing else. "No...I couldn't walk...I couldn't move my legs..." He whispered to himself. No, what he saw, what he felt, was too real to be a dream! It couldn't be a dream at all. Finn moved a little closer to his best friend and looked at him really worried. "What happened?" He asked but instead of an answer, he received a very lost, desperate look from his fellow jock. "I was dating Kurt...My life...I was happy..." He whispered and he could feel tears running down his eyes. Finn was taken by surprise and without thinking, he grabbed Puck's hand and told their teacher Puck had a fever and was going to take him to the nurse. Since it was Finn who said it, the teacher believed it.

They left the class room and Puck stopped walking, and stood next to the lockers. He felt on the floor and Finn seat next to him, not knowing what to say to his friend. "I can't handle another dream! It was real, tell me it's all real!" He was almost begging Finn, but his friend had no idea what he was talking about. "I had an accident! I was paralyzed...I was living with you...Burt wanted me to date Kurt...you too!" Finn started to bite his lower lip, but continued listening to every single words. "My and Kurt...he broke up with Blaine..and was with me...it's real right?"

"Part of it is..." Finn said, with a small smile, trying to make his friend calm down. Puck looked at him, trying his best not to cry. "Me and Burt...we want you to date Kurt. And he did broke up with Blaine." He made a pause and he started biting his lower lip even more. He didn't know how to explain something like that to his best friend, but he had to. "But you guys aren't dating. I actually doubt he knows about your feelings..and you were never in a wheel-chair."

Puck continued to listen to everything Finn had to say. "He's going to kill me for telling you this..." The taller said and looked to Puck who's eyes were almost begging for his words. "He was in a car accident last month...no one knows, not even Mercedes..." He made a pause and looked to Puck one last time. "He's the one who's in a wheel-chair, not you."


End file.
